


Life Beyond All Comprehension

by JjdoggieS



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But no, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Beetlejuice the musical, Luther is Vanya's dad in this btw, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, am i avoiding working on fiveya week at this point?, but still, eventually, five x vanya - Freeform, fiveya - Freeform, for beetlejuice stuff, it is a bit changed, marked teen because of the stuff that happens (or nearly happens) in beetlejuice, obviously, spoilers for beetlejuice the musical, the fiveya (and other ships) aren't till later chapters btw, the rest are all adults, vanya five and harold are the only ones who are kids, vanya x five, you'd think i'd know how to tag things by now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JjdoggieS/pseuds/JjdoggieS
Summary: Vanya absolutely hated their new house. She just wanted to stay at their home back in New York. She'd only lost her mom a few months ago, and dad wants all this change.This new house has two possible ghosts, some weird kid that won't leave her alone, another kid who keeps randomly showing up, and worst of all, her dad wants to marry her 'life coach'.What the hell did she do that pissed off the universe so bad?
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves/Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves/Leonard Peabody
Comments: 47
Kudos: 49
Collections: The Occult Academy





	1. You're Invisible When You're Sad

Vanya didn’t want to move. She liked their house. Mom’s house. She didn’t want to move to stupid Connecticut. She wanted to stay in New York.

And she didn’t want Allison to move in with them. 

The stupid ‘life coach’ that her Dad thought she needed, only because she was grieving her mother while he choose to ignore her Mom’s entire existent. He’d never talk about her anymore.

Vanya had worn the same black dress she’d worn to her Mother’s funeral months earlier just about every day, or some other combination of an all black ensemble. She was, after all, in mourning.

Her father, Luther, kept nagging her about always wearing black. And stupid Allison kept telling her to be ‘positive’ and some other stupid bullshit her ‘guru’ Klaus had told her, but it was only because she wanted to keep her stupid job as a sham of a life coach.

She’d talk to the weird crystals she had and ‘the universe’, and acted like they talked back to her, telling her what to do. But Vanya was the crazy one here. Right.

They hadn’t even arrived at the new house. The one her father was going to rip every interesting part out of and replace with some generic, trendy bullshit that took all originality and personality out of the house. And Vanya knew she was going to hate it. After all, she already hated being in stupid fucking Connecticut. She was gonna be the new girl, at a new school, in a new state. Dad and Allison were going to expect her to ‘make friends’ with people she knew she’d hate with every fiber of her being.

The only silver lining to moving all the way out to in the middle of nowhere Connecticut was that it was only temporary. Once Luther, as Vanya had taken to calling her father recently, had finished fulfilling his dumb idea of remodeling the house and selling it to some rich person, they would be moving right back to their house, back in New York.

That was, at least, until Luther told her that he was selling Mom’s house. That they were staying in fucking stupid, middle of nowhere, goddamn Connecticut. If it wasn’t for how weird, and excited, Allison would get for her asking, Vanya would’ve asked her what she’d done that pissed off the universe so much to completely ruin her life.

Instead, Vanya took to exploring every inch of the house, taking pictures of the parts that interested her before Luther ruined everything. The attic was a little hard to get into, like something, or someone, was trying to keep her from getting in, and for now, she was barred from going into the basement, some bullshit about an ‘accident’ that might ‘traumatize’ her, but, she did find a convenient window in the hallway just outside her room that she could climb onto the roof with. So there was that to look forward to.

When she’d asked about the basement to Luther and Allison, only because she couldn’t get into it because of the huge padlock on it, they both tried to change the subject. Talking about the weather in Connecticut, asking her if she was excited for her new school in two weeks, rehashing how all of her negativity was going to throw off her chakra or some bullshit and how being in all black at all times was ‘inappropriate’ and she should ‘get over it’ as if she shouldn’t be mourning the loss of her mother, and they wondered why she hated talking to either of them.

Rather than continue listening to them berate everything she’d been doing since her mother died, Vanya left them in the living room and returned to the attic, and was quite surprised when the door easily opened this time.

Vanya excitedly climbed into the attic and poked around the dusty boxes that had been shoved into the attic, most of them marked with ‘previous tenant’, who’d apparently died in the house, which was pretty cool. Allison had said her ‘fascination with death’ had become ‘extremely unhealthy’ and was a bit ‘morbid’ since her mother’s death.

One of Vanya’s favorite things to do with her mother, Tatiana, while she was still alive was learning all about death, cults, the supernatural, and the like. It had always been something that had fascinated her, and was something she could do with only her mother, as Luther was always weirded out by their topics. 

It had even lead to them having haunted houses in the middle of the summer. Their love for the creepy and scary aspects of life were unable to be contained until October. But now, as summer neared to an end, no haunted houses in their garage all summer, Vanya felt as if the void in her decrepit little, black heart was growing evermore bigger. A constant reminder that her mother, her best friend, was gone. And was never coming back.

Luther and Allison had called to her, still in the living room, that they were going to pick up dinner and would be back in about thirty minutes. They did, after all, live in the middle of fucking nowhere. Thanks Luther. Once Vanya heard the front door click behind them and watched as their car drove off, Vanya returned to the living room. 

And when she arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to see that Luther had left the keys he’d gotten from the realtor. Including, the key to the lock on the basement door. She knew she had well over twenty minutes, at least, to explore the oh so forbidden basement. 

Vanya shoved the key, that was nicely labeled ‘basement’ on some masking tape by the realtor, into the padlock and it popped off with a satisfying pop. Vanya let it clatter to the floor, it’s not like she’d get in any trouble for this. Especially since there was no one else in the house.

The only issue was, there were voices coming from the basement. Panicked whispers from one voice and a gruff, annoyed reply from the other. Vanya forgot for a brief moment that the basement had just been locked, instead wondering who these, at least two, people were doing in the house. 

She silently stepped off the wooden steps that lead into the basement, thankful they didn't creak as she stepped off them, and she rounded the corner and saw two guys talking to each other, one panicking while the other was very calm, neither having noticed her presence yet. That is, at least until she asked “Who the hell are you?”

Both of the men who’d been talking turned to look at her, equal looks of shock on their faces. Then Vanya swore her eyes must’ve been playing tricks on her, because they disappeared. One second they were standing in the basement, looking at her in a panic; and the next, she was alone in the basement.

Vanya looked around the area the men had just been, somehow hoping there would be some sign as to where they’d gone to, when she noticed the reddish brown discoloration of the concrete floor and the fixed ceiling above her head, almost like someone had fallen through the floor above, likely in the living room, and had died when their body hit the concrete floor.

Maybe, she shouldn’t have gone into the basement after all.

She must’ve stood in the basement for nearly fifteen more minutes, completely consumed by her confusion at the situation she’d walked into. Which had caused her to question everything she’d believed. Were there really ghosts in the house? If the people that died in this house were still here, did that mean Mom was still at their old house back in New York? She needed to go back. If there was the slightest chance that Vanya could see her mom again, she needed to do whatever she could to see it for herself.

The sound of footsteps, followed by Allison calling for her, mentioning they had gotten pizza, citing it as her favorite, it wasn’t by the way, but the noise of Luther and Allison returning to the house pulled her out of her stupor. Luther’s voice called into the basement, knowing she was down there since his keys were gone, the lock was on the floor upstairs, the door was still wide open and she’d flipped the lights on, “Vanya, come up here please.” That wasn’t too bad. “We need to have a talk.” Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! And thank you for reading!
> 
> Did I intend to write and post the first chapter of this within five hours of mentioning the vague idea on discord? No.
> 
> Did it happen anyway? YEP.
> 
> Hello guys! In case any of you haven't seen the post floating around Tumblr recently, there is a fiveya week planned for November 1st to November 7th. The prompts have been released a bit early to give everyone time that wants to participate to do so. If you are interested or have any questions please check out the link (and I can try to answer whatever I can) and please check out the link for all the rules!
> 
> The prompts are:   
> Day 1: Memories   
> Day 2: Dancing/Training  
> Day 3: Childhood  
> Day 4: Sparrow Academy AU  
> Day 5: Guilt  
> Day 6: Endings/Beginnings  
> Day 7: Free Choice
> 
> https://fivevanya.tumblr.com/post/628015506670206976/hello-everyone-well-be-hosting-round-two-of


	2. Death Can Get A Person Stressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five wasn't sure how he felt about these new people. But the girl, Vanya, she interested him.
> 
> But, not all is well, because someone just had to come back. Fuck.

Five has honestly surprised when his mom came home a few days ago, after her ‘long’ day, it wasn’t actually that long of a day, but he’d humor her, but what she’d told him she had finally been able to do that day was what really shocked him. She’d sold The House. The house that gay guys had died in less than a year ago.

Supposedly, the floorboards broke apart at their feet one day, sending them plummeting into their basement, which, unfortunately for them, had nothing but a concrete floor to greet them, killing them on impact. But Five, had a different theory. Or, so he claimed. 

Since the day the couple had died, after he’d found out about it, Five told every gullible idiot in this stupid town that one of them, Ben, had killed the other, Diego, then killed himself. Making up some rumor that Ben had caught Diego cheating on his with someone else, plot twist the supposed person that Diego had cheated on Ben with was a chick Five had called Eudora, and in revenge for being cheated on, Ben killed Diego and himself in their house.

The point of this needless retelling of the trouble Five had been causing his mom in selling the house, after all, who’d want to live in a house tainted by betrayal, adultery, and death? Apparently, some idiot from New York with his daughter and ‘friend’ which Five doubted would stay that way. Back to the issue at hand, the thing is, Five had found there was a door that would lead into the basement of that house, his mom, the freaking real estate agent for the goddamn house didn’t know about it and it didn’t have a lock on it either. So, it was the perfect place to hide out when his mom, or stepasshole, was being anal about something.

It was perfect. Until his mom sold the fucking house.

Five watched the house the day the three new owners moved in. It was quite easy, considering there were only three houses in the area, or as Five called it, the middle of nowhere. There was his house, their house, and the weird farmhouse some people, who he’d never talk to, The Coopers, lived in.

From the various fights he’d heard, and seen, between Mr. Cooper, Carl, and Mrs. Cooper, Sissy, Five figured the minute their son, Harlan, left the house, they’d be getting a divorce, if not sooner. If anything, Five thought they’d be the perfect example of a nuclear family, just waiting until something set off the wrong fuse.

There was a tall, big man with blond hair next to a slightly shorter woman, Five suspected the man was the guy from New York that had bought the house, while the woman was his ‘friend’ but the way they kept looking and touching each other told him enough about that situation. 

There was, however, a third person in the new group of people. A girl around his age, dressed in all black, with long brown hair, made one appearance, moving from the car and into the house without making a reappearance for hours.

Roughly six hours after the new people arrived, four hours after the two moving trucks that had come with them had left, the car they’d arrived in drove back towards the small grouping of shops the town had.

Five, figuring that the car’s departure meant that all members of the house had left, which he would soon discover was untrue, as one member, the girl, remained in the house. Five casually made his way over to the house, walking around to the far side from his house, easily finding his secret door before slipping into the basement. Unsurprisingly, the basement was basically pitch dark the second he shut the door behind him. What did surprise him though, was the two slightly glowing figures he could barely see in the darkness. And, he was again surprised when the lights in the basement flipped on, neither of the glowing figures, who in the light he recognized as Ben and Diego, noticing the sudden illumination.

He’d been in and out of this house for months, how’d he not seen or heard either of the ghosts until right now? Maybe they hadn’t always been in the basement, the area Five tended to stick to. Mostly due to the door to the rest of the house was fucking locked, not because he wanted to stay in the basement the whole time. That was, at least, what Five told himself.

The girl he’d seen earlier quietly made her way down the stairs, unnoticed by the ghosts, but not by him. She slowly walked around the corner, ensuring she wasn’t disturbing the ghosts, although she probably didn’t know they were ghosts. 

She watched the ghosts for a minute or two, as he watched her in fascination, in silence and unmoving, neither of the ghosts noticing her. That is, until, she asked the ghosts, loudly, “Who the hell are you?”

Unsurprisingly, Ben and Diego’s ghosts disappeared less than a minute later, possibly startled by the girl at her question. Five, who’s door opened into some cabinet that never closed all the way, which was also very close to where Ben and Diego had just been, discussing the new tenants, specifically the girl, huh, Five’s hiding place was poor in the fact that the girl was now, likely unknowingly, approaching him, walking into the middle of the darkened spot on the floor.

She continued to look around the room, as if looking for some sign that someone, or something, had actually been there, or perhaps even, the ghosts themselves. Five, needless to say, was utterly fascinated by this new girl, as she was far more observant than most people in this fucking town, especially the people their age.

Five was startled by sudden footsteps on the floor above them, as was the girl, which the voices were calling Vanya. Vanya, a very pretty name. Especially for such a pretty girl. Wait what? As Five refocused himself, realizing he’d nearly fallen out of the cabinet while lost in his thoughts, he watched as the girl, Vanya, quickly moved back up the wooden stairs, flipping the lights off, unknowingly plunging him back into darkness, before the door quickly clicked shut behind her.

He waited for a moment, making sure none of the other residents were going to make surprise appearances, before moving to leave and go back to his house. Instead, Ben’s ghost reappeared in front of his cabinet doors, thoroughly scaring the absolute shit out of him. Ben pulled open the doors, causing Five to nearly fall face first into the concrete floor. 

Or, he would have if Diego’s ghost hadn’t caught him. He hadn’t even known ghosts a. existed, and b. could touch the still living. “Five,” that must’ve been Ben’s voice, because Five didn’t see Diego’s move, that is unless the man, ghost, could talk without moving his lips, “what are you doing here?”

“Creeping on the girl too?” Diego added, “I expected more from you twerp.”

Five pulled his arm out of Diego’s grasp, the cold he hadn’t noticed before from Diego’s ghost hands leaving his arm. As smart as Five is, the only thing he could think of at that moment was, “How do you know who I am?”

“Your mom.” Ben answered, which only confused Five, “The real estate lady, she talks about you a lot.”

“Shows everyone pictures of your dumb ass.” Diego added, arms now crossed since he no longer was keeping Five from breaking his nose on the concrete.

Of course she did. It was like his mother made it her life mission to completely and utterly embarrass him at any opportunity she had. “What are you doing here Five?” Ben repeated, “As you already know, there’s a new family here.”

“Yeah,” Diego scoffed, “we’ll see how long that lasts.”

“Diego,” Ben scolded, “play nice.” Diego, surprisingly just huffed, rolled his eyes, and muttered ‘Fine.’ which wasn’t at all what Five had expected from the man. “Five?” Ben asked, turning to look at him again.

“Well, I,” Why was he here exactly? “I just, I was. I don’t know. I was just bored, and curious.”

Ben was giving him a weird look, almost like he didn’t believe but there was also something else Five couldn’t quite figure out while Diego, again, scoffed. Both of the ghosts looked like they knew something he didn’t about himself, which always annoyed him, but especially because it was about him.

“What?” Five asked the ghosts, mostly Ben as he seemed to be more willing to talk than Diego.

“We need your help with something.” Ben said, arms waving between himself and Diego.

Five, who was typically hesitant about helping anyone without knowing all the details of the job, asked, “With what?”

“There is a bit of an issue, in the attic.” Ben said, looking more nervous, which was odd for a ghost, but what did Five know.

Rather than dance around the question, Five turned to Diego and asked, “What is this about? I don’t have all day.”

“Harold is back.” Fuck.

Five, having already dealt with this asshole more times than he would’ve liked to over the past few months, the times the fucker decided to show up in the basement. He’d thought he’d gotten rid of him about two months ago, but, evidently, he was back. “When did this happen?” Not bothering to ask how they’d known he was the one who’d gotten rid of him before.

“He showed back up this morning.” Ben said.

Diego added, “When the new family showed up.” One of those idiots must’ve done or brought something that lured Harold back. Five was willing to bet it was the ‘friend’. “And he’s been following the girl, Vanya, around all day.”

Goddamnit. This was going to be harder than he needed it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I'll write a few chapters ahead and space out updates  
> Also Me: What if you just, updated the second you finished?
> 
> I hope you liked it!! Please let me know what you think so far!! I hope you enjoyed it!!


	3. You Are Not Mentally Prepared To Make Room For A Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya, expecting to get lectured, again, is instead given some upsetting news.
> 
> But, on the bright side, she makes a new friend. But this friend is a little, weird.

Vanya quickly made her way up the stairs, sneaking a few glances around the basement, hoping to see the men, (ghosts?) again, but found nothing. Instead, she reached the top of the stairs, flipping the lights off when she did, plunging the basement into darkness as she rejoined Luther and Allison, both wearing varying looks of disappointment. In other words, Vanya was completely and utterly fucked.

“What’s up?” Vanya asked, grabbing a piece of one of the pizzas, before reclining on the one couch that had been left from the previous owners, keeping her face as neutral as possible. She expected Luther to be launching into what would’ve been the fourth, or fifth she couldn’t remember at this point, lecture of the day. Yet another beratement of her every being.

But instead, Allison was the one who started talking. “Vanya, honey,”

“I’m not your ‘honey’ Allison.” Vanya hissed at her, setting her meanest glare aimed at Allison.

“Vanya,” Allison repeated, “your father and I are a bit worried about you.”

Vanya scoffed, “Why?” not intending to sound as harsh and bitter as she did, but wasn’t going to take it back by any means.

“Vanya,” Luther took over in whatever guilt trip they were trying to put her through, Allison always backed down from any argument Vanya tried to start with her, “we need to talk about this,  _ different _ behavior you’ve had the past few months.”

Of course this was yet another lecture about her ‘poor behavior’ since her mother died. Vanya muttered a quiet “This bullshit again.” to herself, causing Luther and Allison to exchange oddly saddened looks. Which alarmed her quite a bit. That hadn’t happened before in the nearly hundred other lecture she’d gotten.

“Allison and I have been talking,” Luther continued, his disappointed expression replaced by one filled with sadness. Was that meant for her? “and, we were thinking it may be best if you start seeing a grief counselor again.”

“Isn’t that what Allison’s for?” Vanya asked, actually confused what was happening, “She’s supposed to be my life coach.”

An embarrassed blush spread across Allison’s face, her right hand covering her left in her lap, as Luther sighed, putting an annoyingly pitying hand on Vanya’s shoulder, “We both know that Allison’s methods haven’t been working. But, we’ve come up with an alternative to a grief counselor.”

“What does that mean?” Vanya asked, her anxiety, which had been kept at bay for months rushing back in full force, “Does that mean Allison’s leaving? Going back to New York?”

Instead of answering her immediately like she’d expected, Luther looked over at Allison with a shy smile, before looking back at her, “Allison a called friend of her’s-”

“My guru, Klaus.” Allison jumped in, “You’ll love him. He’s got an affinity with, death, like you do Vanya. He’s an amazing medium.”

There was a supposed medium. Coming to their house. Just to ‘help’ her. Interesting.

In the back of her mind, Vanya figured he was just some sham, someone to come in, tell her that her mother was ‘in a better place’ which was bullshit. What better place could there be for her mother that wasn’t with her? But this ‘Klaus’’s main goal was likely to get her ‘over’ her mother’s early death.

But instead of focusing on all the negatives, for once, Vanya instead tried to be optimistic about Klaus coming. Maybe he’d be able to contact the men she’d seen in the basement. Ask if they were the previous residences. Maybe, she could even get him to contact her mother. Ask her for advice, guidance, figure out how to live with the empty void in her heart that only her mother had been able to fill in life.

Vanya pulled herself from her thoughts, noticing the hesitant looks that Luther and Allison were giving her. “Sounds great.” Vanya said, a faked optimism, which wasn’t entirely fake, in her voice, “But,” her eyes shifted to Allison before flipping back to Luther, “what about Allison?” 

“Well, Vanya sweetheart,” Luther started, he never used terms of endearment like  _ that _ unless he thought he’d upset her, beckoning Allison over to him, “that is something I, we, need to talk to you about.” There was something, unsettling, about the closeness Luther and Allison had, the look they had when they were only looking at the other. It was uncomfortably close to how Luther used to look at Mom.

“Dad?” Vanya asked, an emotion she’d rather not talk about creeping into her voice, “What’s going on?”

“Vanya, I have asked Allison to marry me.” Vanya felt like her heart had broken in two, the world around her shattered, and her head had been shoved underwater. “In a few months, Allison is going to be your new mother,” What the fuck? “and we can be a family.”

There hadn’t been as much anger filling Vanya’s veins since she’d learned her mother, her actual mother, was sick and wouldn’t be getting better. Since she’d learned her mother was dying and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “I have a mother!” Vanya shrieked at them, pushing herself off the couch and away from them, startling Luther and Allison and, honestly, surprising herself.

Luther looked shocked, which made Vanya, oddly, happy. But Allison, she took a step towards her, “Vanya,” she said, an odd calmness, as if she were talking to a feral creature and not an upset teenage girl, “I’m not trying to replace your mother-” Allison’s fingertips grazed Vanya’s shoulder, she hadn’t even realized how close she’d gotten.

Vanya forced herself out of the woman’s grasp, her fury at the bullshit situation she’d just been given renewed, “I don’t care!” Vanya screamed, although, it didn’t feel like she was the one screaming, but it sure as hell felt good, “I hate it here! I miss our old house,” Vanya’s glare moved from Allison, who’d returned to Luther, to her, Luther, “you never asked me what I wanted to do! Or asked what I thought or felt about anything! You just didn’t whatever she wanted you to!” She pointed an accusatory finger at Allison, who was near tears at this point.

“Vanya,” Luther hissed, “that is quite enough. Now you listen to me young lady-”

“No!” Vanya shrieked, “You don’t get to boss me around anymore! I hate it here! I hate this fucking house! I hate being in the middle of fucking nowhere! I hate Allison! And I fucking hate you Luther!” Luther yelled something at her as Vanya ran out of the room, retreating upstairs.

She opened the door to her room, but something flew past a window. The window. The window to the roof. She slammed her door shut, hoping they’d think she was there instead of on the roof. Vanya climbed onto the roof, only nearly falling off once, leaning against the stupidly huge chimney it had.

Her heart was pounding in her ears, the adrenaline from the shit that had just happened melted away, only leaving her feeling like shit. Not for what she’d said, for the most part, but for the fact that her, the Luther, was trying to replace her mom, her best friend, with someone woman he’d found on the internet after knowing each other for like four months. When had they started dating? Her throat felt like it was closing up. Had they been dating the whole time? Tears pricked at her eyes. Was she just an excuse for him to get close to her? She choked on a sob, she was determined not to cry over this bullshit. She was better than that.

“Hey,” Some voice, that she very much did not recognize, nearly scared her off the roof, but it did pull her from her spiral so, fair trade. Vanya pushed herself up, and moved to look at the other side of the chimney, finding a boy, around her age.

“Who are you?” Vanya asked, not thinking as the words slipped out of her mouth and she totally wasn’t wiping tears from her face.

“I’m Harold.” The boy, Harold, said, sticking his hand out.

Vanya, the manners that had been ingrained in her for years, quickly shook his hand as she told him her name without prompting, “I’m Vanya.” For some, odd, reason, it took Vanya nearly a full minute before she asked Harold, “What are you doing on my roof?”

“Hiding.” Harold answered her nearly instantly.

“Hiding from who?” Vanya asked, it was odd how comfortable she felt around the odd boy on the roof. She’d called it her roof, but it really wasn’t. Her roof was back in New York, possibly with her mother’s ghost.

He gave her an odd look, like he was excited, hungry, for her questions, her attention, “Certain  _ people _ .”

She decided to play his little game, “What certain people? Do they have names?”

The smirk that crossed his features should’ve unnerved her, but instead it excited her, “They do. Ben, he’s not that bad. Diego, he’s a little worse, but there’s not much he can do. But the worst of them all,” Harold had started pacing, circling her, like a shark does to its prey. But she was not prey, she was the predator. “Five.”

“Five?” Vanya repeated, as it was a rather odd name. Who named their kid after a number?

“Five.” Harold bit, apparently the person in question had offended or hurt Harold in some way.

“Has Five done something to you?” Vanya asked, already forming a bit of disliking for this ‘Five’.

Harold stopped his pacing, a quite sad, hurt, looked covered his face as he sadly nodded. “About two months ago,” Harold started, the hurt in his eyes made Vanya’s heart bleed for the poor boy, “Five, he, he tried to kill me.”

What the fuck? “Why, why would he, he try to kill you?” Vanya asked, gently placing a hand on Harold’s arm, “Did you do something that upset him?”

Evidently, that was the wrong thing to ask as Harold ripped his arm out of Vanya’s grasp, backing a few steps away from her, nearing the edge of the roof. “Why would you ask that?” Harold yelled, startling Vanya and the poor birds a nearby tree that flew off at the sudden noise, “Do you think there’s something wrong with me? He tried to kill me, and you’re siding with him? What, do you like murderers or something? Do you think he should’ve killed me?” He nearly stepped off the roof, Vanya, instinctively reached out, despite being too far to actually do anything, to try grabbing him.

Another smirk covered Harold’s face, but this one, it felt, different, sinister, evil. “Maybe, I should just do us all a favor,” Harold started, looking her dead in the eye as he added, “and jump off the roof.”

“No don’t!” Vanya yelled, taking several steps closer to the boy, and the edge of the roof.

“Why not?” Harold hissed, “It’s not like anyone will care anyway! I don’t have any friends.”

Once again, the words slipped past her lips before she’d had a chance to think them over, “I’ll be your friend.”

“Really?” Harold’s eyes looked both hopeful and guarded at the same time.

Vanya wasn’t quite sure how he was able to do that but she told him, “Yeah.” with a nod.

And in the blink of an eye, Harold had jumped from the edge of the roof to throwing his arms around her, hugging her. Which Vanya quickly returned. Desperately trying to ignore the odd smell coming from her new friend; somehow he smelled like rot and mold. But Vanya brushed it off, after all, she didn’t want to pass any judgments on her friend without knowing anything other him than his name.

Harold, eventually pulled away from her, after an uncomfortably long hug, and asked, “Hey Vanya, have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“Um, no.” Vanya answered him, confused by his odd question, “Why?”

“Just wondering.” Harold replied, giving her a pitiful shrug. And not ten seconds later he asked, “Have you ever been kissed by someone? Like by someone other than your parents.”

Again, Vanya replied “No.” getting a bit uncomfortable by Harold’s weird, and very personal questions. Especially when she didn’t know anything about him. She started to try to think of an excuse to go back inside, and hopefully get away from Harold for a little bit; at least until the uneasiness that had filled her goes away.

And thankfully, her excuse came in the form of Luther and Allison both calling her name, as evidently they’d checked her room only to find her not there. “I need to go.” Vanya told Harold, “That’s my dad and Alli-, his friend.”

Vanya started shuffling back towards the side of the roof she’d climbed up, accepting Harold’s lack of a reply as his own acceptance of her leaving. But, the second her first foot slid off the shingles and down to the window ledge, Harold’s form covered the remnants of the setting sun, and when she looked up at him, she saw an enraged look on his face as he growled, “I thought you said you hated them. Were you lying Vanya?”

“How did you hear that?” Vanya asked in response.

“Answer the question Vanya!” Harold yelled, he stomped one of his feet onto one of her hands, nearly knocking her off the roof, “Are you a dirty, fucking liar Vanya?”

“No! I’m not!” Vanya yelled back, yanking her hand out from under his foot, grimacing at the skin on her hand getting pulled and scraped as she did so, knocking Harold back onto the roof and causing herself to drop onto the ledge below.

She could hear Harold muttering something to himself, not quite what he was saying, but Vanya focused on hurrying back into the house. Electing to go through her bedroom window rather than the one in the hall; it was easier to go through the hall window, but she managed to swing into her own window, which thankfully she’d left open.

Vanya quickly closed and locked the window behind her, especially when she thought she heard Harold trying to follow her. She still didn’t know how he’d gotten onto the roof in the first place. She quickly made sure the hallway’s window was also closed and locked before practically running back downstairs and nearly crashing into Luther, her dad.

All the anger and hurt she’d felt earlier was gone, at least for now, as Vanya reveled in the safety she felt in her dad’s arms. Her dad, thankfully, just wrapped him arms around her as she cried, comforting her as best he could. Eventually, Allison joined them, normally Vanya would’ve shrugged the woman’s arms off of her, but right now, she welcomed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHAHA. I'm going at bit crazy rn (I've been listening to the musical for like 8ish hours straight)
> 
> ANYWAY! I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think!!
> 
> This might be the last chapter for the week (we'll see).


	4. It's The Perfect Day To Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, Harold's up to no good. That's it.

Things hadn’t necessarily gone his way. At least, for now. And that was fine. He already had his claws into her. She already cared about him, regardless of if she’d admit it or not.

Harold, although he’d been annoyed that she’d escaped him, was still anxious, eger,  _ hungry _ , to cause a greater disturbance. He waited on the roof a moment more, listening as she, Vanya, closed and audibly locked at least two windows, naively thinking that was all it would take to keep him out. Harold let himself sink through the roof, sliding past the attic, giving the blandest ghosts he’d ever met a middle finger and a smirk on his way down, before landing on her bed.

She wasn’t there. The room was still mostly empty, devoid of any personality, any clues he could use against her. There were certain things he needed to get done, quickly and efficiently, and stupid, naive, lonely, little Vanya, seemed to be the quickest way to reach his goals. 

He, like most of the not-living, only wanted to live again. And there were two ways to accomplish this goal. First, he would need to marry a living, breathing person, a breather. Or, and with the way things were going he’d started leaning towards his second option, his second option was that is he could bring a breather into the Netherworld with him, he could basically switch places with them; he would be alive again, and they, likely Vanya, would be dead.

Look, the thing is, Harold wasn’t a bad creature by nature, it was all because of his father. That’s, at least what She’d always told him; his father had abandoned him soon after his birth, leaving him to die in some alleyway. Apparently, his mother had died giving birth to him, and his father resented him for it. But She took him in, saved him from a short life and an agonizing death, and raised him as if he were her own child.

There was, annoyingly, basically nothing for him to use. There weren’t any clothes in the dresser or hung in the closet. Nothing on the walls. He could look through the three large cardboard boxes, aptly marked ‘Vanya’s’, but the tape on the top and edges of the box being ripped open  _ might _ give away more than he’d like to.

Harold, as he nearly gave up his search, deciding to spend a few minutes tormenting the ghosts in the attic, cheekily reminding them that they couldn’t leave the house, other than going and staying in the Netherworld, while he was free to roam anywhere he pleased, there was a sole picture frame, one that he’d missed, sitting mostly tucked behind one of the pillows on her bed. He quickly snatched the picture frame, he immediately took note of Vanya, looking a few years younger, her unnervingly tall father, and a woman, who was very much  _ not _ the one that had moved in with them. Interesting.

He stored that little bit of information away, for now at least, and when he thought he’d heard someone coming towards the room, one voice being Vanya’s and the other likely her father’s, he quickly jumped back up to the attic, enjoying the startlement he instilled in the blander of the two ghosts, he wanted to say his name was Jim? Justin? Whatever.

“What are you doing here Harold?” That would be the other one, David maybe, the one how had a thing for knives, “I thought Five had gotten rid of you for good?”

Harold leveled the ghost with a glare, he couldn’t wait until he could exorcize that bastard. But it needed to wait until he was alive again, otherwise he’d have to see his ugly mug every time he goes into the Netherworld. “Well,” Harold started, teasing in his voice and his annoying smirk plastered on his face, “obviously, it didn’t stick. But, I will give that fucker credit where it’s due, for a newbie, it was a pretty average attempt.”

The other one, Dan?, the calmer one, the one that was always reading books, he cut right to the chase, which was much appreciated, Harold was, after all, working on a very strict deadline. “What are you up to Harold? Why are you following Vanya around?”

“Well, Dan,” Harold said, not acknowledging the ghost, Ben apparently, correcting him about his name, “if you had read the handbook that was given to you two idiots when you died, what was it, six months ago? Or was it eight?” the glare from the other one, was that one Dan?, and the flinch from Ben was quite satisfying, “Anyway, the point being, if you’d bother reading it, you’d know that _special_ beings like myself, can rejoin the living, in one of two ways.”

Ben gasped, apparently he  _ had _ read the handbook, at least, enough of it to know, “You’re trying to get Vanya to marry you?” Huh. He could work with that.

“You caught me.” Harold sighed, mockingly raising his hands in surrender, “I’m only trying to be alive again, you should be able to understand that.”

David, he was certain his name was David now, asked, because he hadn't read the handbook, “What’s the other option Ben?” the ghost’s eyes flickered between Ben and Harold, “I have a feeling this fucker wouldn’t pick the  _ cleaner _ of two options.”

Ben stumbled, which he shouldn’t be able to do as a fucking ghost, but Harold surmised their idiocy had unfortunately followed them into the afterlife, into the shelving on a nearby wall, the few books in it had been coated in dust, and he pulled the oh so familiar ‘Handbook: For The Recently Deceased’ and flipped through quite a few pages. 

What Harold was talking about was nearly at the end of the handbook, but watching these idiots frantically, Ben more so than the other one, skimming every page in the handbook, was quite amusing. When Ben finally reached the correct page he read aloud, “There have only been two notable routes for the select creatures, as listed on page xviii, to regain life join the world of breathers. The first route being the unification between a creature and a breather, and has only been successful through what breathers call a ‘Wedding Ceremony’ which must have at least two other breathers present to be effective. The second route is by bringing a breather into the-” Ben, rather than finishing his reading of the second option aloud, got a rather sick looking face and handed the handbook to the other ghost.

Ben gave him one of the only glares Harold had ever seen on the ghost’s face, while the other one read. And, when he was evidently finished reading the section, slammed the handbook shut and, as any emotionally stunted adult would, threw it at Harold, which only caused the handbook to phase through him.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Harold?” the other one yelled, charging towards him, surprisingly he was able to pick Harold up by his shoulders, which, also surprisingly, somewhat hurt him, “You have to pick this kid to either marry or murder, which knowing you and how fucked up you are, you’re gonna kill this kid just so your sorry ass can be alive again.”

“Right on the money there David.” Harold mocked, patting the ghost’s head like one would to a child or pet.

The ghost dropped him the moment, Harold’s handmade contact with his head, stepping away from him. “It’s Diego.” the ghost, Diego, hissed at him, not that Harold cared, “Pick someone else. Different family, different house. Fuck off Harold.”

Harold gave them a smirk, one again raising his hands in mock surrender, giving them a snarky remark of ‘As you wish.’ before retreating in a flash and landing back in the Netherworld. Home, sweet home. For now.

He wandered through the, sometimes uncomfortably, hot Netherworld, it was essential Hell after all, to Her office. His mother. Harold knocked on the door as he opened it, greeting his mother with a short “Hello.” as he entered.

“Harold! Darling,” She replied, “where in Netherworld have you been running off to? I’ve had a job all lined up for you, and then, poof, you’re missing. Making me look like a fool. And you know how I feel about looking like a fool Harold.”

“Yes Mother.” Harold sighed, he hadn’t meant to cause his mother any problems in his absence, but it’s also not like he could just tell her he wanted to be alive again. She  _ did _ save him after all.

She pushed away from her desk, coming around to give him a hug and leave a red lipstick mark on his cheek. “Now, Harold dear,” She said, “where have you been?”

Harold, nervously, as even he wasn’t devoid of his Mother’s ruthless punishments for disobeying the rules, began to explain “Um, well, I was, you see Mom,-”

“I don’t actually care dear.” She said, cutting him off, but it did relieve some of the pressure that had been building in his chest, “That job I mentioned, there’s a breather, arriving at some house in middle of nowhere Connecticut in a few days, I need you to  _ get rid  _ of him.” His mother gave him a file, the picture attached was perfect, Vanya’s house. He gave his mother a nod, and quickly moved back towards the door. Only stopped when his mother called behind him, “And Harold dear,” he turned to look at her as she gave him a  _ look _ he knew far too well, “do make it look like an accident. You’ve been getting a bit, sloppy, as of late. Drawing unnecessary attention. Kapeesh?”

“Kaposh, mother.” Harold replied, giving her a nod before swiftly exiting the office. A breath he didn’t know he was holding, which was also unnecessary considering he was dead, escaped him. “I swear, if it weren’t for the fact I was already dead, the stress she gives me would’ve killed me by now.” Harold muttered to himself, sneaking another look at the house and the picture of his target, before taking a glance back at his mother’s office’s door, reading the adorning nameplate, ‘The Handler’, before gleefully returning to torment the house once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me less than 12 hours ago: No more chapters for this week  
> Also me: Yes, but....what if, you wrote another chapter  
> Me, again: SOLD
> 
> I hope you liked it!!


	5. I’m A Bunch Of Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens, again with Luther and Allison. Apparently they were still getting married. Barf. 
> 
> But, there are two ghosts, in Vanya's attic? What?

Vanya was surprised to be waking up in her bed, considering she didn’t remember going to bed the night before and was still in her clothes from the day before. The last things she could remember from the night before was, Harold getting super weird, but absolutely didn’t scare her, and then Vanya hugging her, Luther, and letting Allison join in. She figures that she must’ve fallen asleep downstairs and Luther brought her upstairs and put her to bed.

When she finally pushed herself out of bed, Vanya could practically feel the dirt from yesterday clinging to her. She grabbed another set of black clothes from the first box, her stance of not unpacking was meant as a silent protest to being in Connecticut, before quickly heading off to take a quick shower.

After her shower, and she’d changed into some clean clothes for the day, Vanya quietly walked downstairs and into the kitchen, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. Completely to herself. She pulled open the fridge, noting that someone, likely Allison, had done some light grocery shopping at some point, and pulled the carton of eggs out. And her quick search in the cabinet lead her to finding some bread as well. 

A measly 5 minutes later, Vanya had a plate of eggs and toast, which she quickly took back upstairs. It’s not like she’s just gonna wait for, “Vanya!” that. “It’s good to see you up this early sweetheart.” Allison commented, Vanya, for now bit her tongue about the pet name, instead focusing on being annoyed that it was only 9 in the morning and she was already getting shit from Allison and Luther.

Vanya muttered back a quick, “Hi Allison.” hoping it would be enough to get her out of the kitchen and back in her room.

It was not.

Because apparently, the universe still hated her. As she was about to slip back out the doorway of the kitchen, the stairs back to her safe haven in sight, Luther walked in. And just like that her already shit day, managed to get that much worse.

“Vanya, good you’re here.” That was never good. “There’s something we need to talk to you about.” Considering how well the last time ‘they’ needed to talk to her about something, Vanya nearly falling off the roof twice, she had a pretty good feeling that she was going to despise whatever was going to come out of Luther’s mouth, “Allison and I, are hosting a dinner party tonight.” Kind of short notice, they also just moved in but, whatever. “And we would both like for you to be there.” That wasn’t too bad.

Vanya had resigned that this ‘talk’ was going to be longer than she would’ve liked it to be within the first thirty seconds of Luther talking, and had taken a seat at the kitchen table and started picking at her breakfast. As she scooped another bite of eggs towards her mouth, Vanya asked, “What’s this dinner party for anyways?”

“It’s for Luther and I’s engagement silly.” What?

“What?” Vanya asked, her spoon clattering on her plate as she pushed away from the table. All the anger she’d felt the night before rushed back into her in a flash, “You two are still going to get married?”

Allison, like the wimp she is, looked at Luther with a pleading look, causing Luther to tell her, “Of course we are Vanya. Allison and I love each other, and we both feel that getting married is the next step in our relationship.”

Vanya didn’t think she was capable of hating two people as much as she hated Luther and Allison right now. She, like a typical overly-dramatic teenager, scoffed, rolling her eyes, crossed her arms and spat at them, “Well, until yesterday I didn’t even know you two were a  _ thing _ .” the look of hurt that flashed on Luther’s face and the one of shame the covered Allison’s filled Vanya’s rebellious heart as she continued, “And obviously, you two will have some stupid baby together, because you love each other oh so much, and I, your  _ daughter _ ,” Vanya hissed, sending an icy glare Luther’s way, “can go back to the conveniently neglected problem child I’ve always been. Wouldn’t want to ruin the image of the ‘loving family’ after all.”

Once she hissed her piece at the two people, really one person, Luther, who was supposed to be taking care of her, Vanya turned on her heel and stormed back upstairs. Ignoring all yelling from either adults after her. She didn’t want to think about what had happened with Harold on the roof yesterday, so instead of climbing up to the roof, Vanya made her way into the dusty attic. Determined to explore it again, much more thoroughly this time.

And much to her pleasure, when she pushed open the door to the attic, rather than being greeted by dust covered boxes, instead she found a bunch of dusty boxes and the men from the basement in the attic, odd, but regardless, this time, they immediately took notice of her arrival. “Hi Vanya.” One of them said as she closed the door behind her.

“Hi.” Vanya replied, “Wait, how do you know my name?”

The man that had already spoken sent a look she couldn’t quite decipher to the other, who returned the look with a glare and a short nod. “Well,” The first one started, “you see, the thing is. Um. Your dad, he, he told us.”

Vanya didn’t buy that bullshit for one second, and instead raised one eyebrow at the very nervous man, asking, “And, who are you, exactly?”

“I’m Diego.” The other man, Diego, said, making his way over towards her and the other man from the opposite side of the room, “He’s Ben.” Diego said, gesturing with a hand to the other man, “We’re ghosts.”

Vanya asked, “Wait, really?” without a second thought while Ben hissed “What the fuck Diego?”

“Yeah kid, we’re ghosts.” Diego answered, looking a bit amused by her being interested by them, rather than fearful. Ben was still sputtering a mix of expletives and angry remarks about how much of an idiot Diego was being.

And apparently, all tact and manners had vacated her mind for a moment when Vanya asked them, “Are you the guys that fell through the living room?” then her brain processed what her mouth had just uttered and desperately tried to apologize for benign so rude.

Ben assured her that she wasn’t rude, she very much had been, but he didn’t want her to feel bad; while Diego laughed, now clearly amused by her, “You’re absolutely right kid.” Diego motioned at Ben again as he told her, “He’d mentioned needing to replace those old floorboards when we’d moved in, I told him we had time. And, obviously, I should’ve listened to him.”

“You’ll say that to her, but not me?” Ben asked, more like yelled, at Diego, “You are completely, and utterly-”

“Handsome?” Diego teased.

“Unbelievable.” Ben finished, before turning his attention on her, “Vanya, have you made any friends yet? Perhaps a certain boy who doesn’t seem to recognize boundaries?” Vanya nodded, internally surprised that somehow they already knew about her new friend Harold. “Good,” Ben sighed, “he may come off a bit, brash, or rude, but he means well.”

Vanya was surprised by what Ben had said about Harold, maybe she misjudged him a little too quickly. Instead of talking about Harold any further, an old looking book that had been left on the floor caught her attention. It looked like it had been thrown at something, or someone, missed, and had been left on the floor, left cracked open from the position it had been forgotten about in.

When she picked it up, oddly titled ‘The Handbook: For The Recently Deceased’ both Ben and Diego immediately told her to put it down and that she shouldn’t be looking at it. As any rebellious teenager would when told they shouldn’t do something, she immediately began flipping through the book. The title of one of the later chapters, ‘How To Rejoin The Living’, immediately caught her eye.

Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to read any further than the title before the book was snatched from her hands and closed with a bit of force. “There’s no need for you to be looking at that Vanya.” Ben said as Diego put the book on the highest shelf he could reach, as if that would stop her from getting that book. If it was a real book, really for the ‘Recently Deceased’ aka, ghosts, then  _ maybe _ she could use it to bring her mom back.

“Is that real?” Vanya asked, her eyes keeping a steady gaze on where the book had been stored away.

“No, it’s fake.” Diego growled, arms crossed once more, “It’s for Halloween.” It was totally real.

Vanya debated for about, 7 seconds, before stating, “Bullshit. If it’s a fake book, then why’d you both get so weird about me reading it?”

“Because it’s a fucked up book.” Diego countered. 

He was good, just, not as good as Vanya. “I’m a fucked up person. So it’s meant to be.”

“Vanya!” Ben gasped, sounding like some housewife from the 50’s that over reacted about every little goddamn thing, “Don’t say that. You are not a fucked up person. You’re just a little,-”

“Broken?” Vanya guessed, earning another offended gasp from Ben.

“No!” Ben scolded, god he was acting like her parent or some shit, “I was gonna say that you’re just a little lonely right now. New place. New school.” now he was playing therapist, and Vanya thought having ghosts was going to be fun, “Your mom.”

“Don’t talk about her.” Vanya hissed at him, not realizing her mom would be such a touchy subject, “Neither of you know, knew anything about her. So you don’t get to talk about her.”

She was about to storm out of her second room for the day when, “Vanya! Wait!” Ben called after her, “Look, I’m sorry. I won’t bring her up again, unless you want to.” She turned around to look at Ben, the relief that flooded his ghostly features made her feel, warm, she didn’t like it. “Is there anything I, we,” the annoyed look on Diego’s face at being dragged into Ben’s mess was comical, “can do to make it up to you?”

Vanya had to carefully think for the first time that morning. She’d learned enough times not to show all her cards until she was sure she’d win. Asking for the book would likely give away her plans too quickly. But perhaps, “Do you know if there’s a way to summon my mom?” Ben and Diego shared varying looks of uncertainty, “I just, wanna see her again. Talk to her again,” She hated the innocent tone in her voice, but, if it would get the job done, “just, one last time.”

Like she’d predicted, Ben practically melted, and was putty in her hands. Diego on the other hand, he’d take a but more work. “Fine,” Diego told her, wait what, “we’ll work on that kid. But you, gotta play nice with your folks. They mean well, they’re just, idiots.”

If being nice to Luther and Allison for a few days, hopefully this wouldn’t take too long, meant she could see, and possibly bring back, her mom, then it was worth it. “Deal.” Vanya agreed, maybe a bit too quickly, “Well, I’ve got other shit to deal with today, and you two have got work to do so, I’ll see you later.” Vanya slipped out the door as Ben called after her a ‘Bye’ while she heard Diego scoff before the door clicked behind her.

Satisfied with the progress she’d already made, one step closer to seeing her mom, her  _ actual mom  _ Luther, Vanya returned to her room, only to find Harold sitting on her bed, looking at the picture she had of Mom. “What are you doing here?” Vanya asked, already moving to pull the frame from his hands.

“Your dad let me in.” Harold replied, easily giving her the picture frame, “I just wanted to hang out with you again.”

“I don’t think nearly jumping off the roof, then almost making me fall off the roof is ‘hanging out’ Harold.” Vanya scoffed, carefully putting the frame on her dresser.

When she turned back away from her dresser, Harold was a few inches from her, Vanya hadn’t even heard him get off the bed. “Perhaps,” he purred, like a goddamn cat, “but I, had an awful lot of fun.”

Vanya pushed his weird ass away from her, that uneasiness she’d felt around him yesterday returning, but Ben had just told her that he meant well, just that he was a little  _ odd _ . “I don’t want to hang out with you if that’s your idea of fun Harold.”

“We can play another game.” Harold suggested, taking a half step away from her, thankfully.

“What game Harold?” Vanya asked him, sending him a questioning look. If nearly falling or jumping off the roof was his idea of a game, she wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to play any games with him.

“It’s a game I like to call, ‘Mommy Dearest’.” Harold told her, before the room was completely engulfed in pitch black darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I being so productive with this fic???? No one knows!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it!! Thank you for reading!!


	6. Why God/Satan Did You Send These Bedwetters?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five shows up to talk to Ben and Diego, only to learn, there has been a HUGE misunderstanding.

It had, obviously, gotten quite a bit  _ harder _ to sneak into the house since the new people moved in. But Five was a genius, and he had alternate ways of getting into the house. Namely, the skeleton key to the house, that he’d taken from the key ring for the house that his mother left lying around. Just in case.

As he approached the house, sneaking through the lightly wooded area between their houses, he thought he heard some yelling coming from the house, again. Not all that surprising after the shit show he’d heard the fragments of last night. He had a feeling, that unless something drastic happened, for the good, soon, Vanya’s family was heading for the same fate as the Cooper’s would in three years, if they were lucky. But that shit, was none of his business.

Five snuck back into the house through his door in the basement, pleasantly surprised to find the basement, once again, emptied of any other life, or afterlife, forms. He snuck upstairs, past the oblivious lovesick, ‘adults’ of the house, god no wonder Vanya hated them, he moved to the upper floor. 

He walked towards what he figured was the attic door, where Diego and Ben had told him to meet. When he was a few steps from the door, honestly surprised he hadn’t seen or heard Vanya at all since he’d entered the house, he heard voices, three to be exact coming from the other side of the door. There was a 50/50 chance between it being Harold or Vanya being in there with Diego and Ben.

Rather than taking his chances with having to explain a very awkward reason for why he was sneaking around Vanya’s house, especially since he hadn’t even met her yet, Five barely managed to hide in time for the door, which in fact  _ did _ lead to the attic, to swing open and for Vanya to slip out and shut it with a click behind her. 

She was smiling about something, maybe Ben and Diego weren’t as bad, or boring, as he thought they were. He watched from his hiding place as she walked down the hall to her room, say something when she opened the door, to what was presumably her bedroom, before shutting the door behind her.

The second the hallway was cleared, Five made his way to the door Vanya had just come from and quickly opened it, stepped in, and shut the door behind him. “Five?” that would be Ben, who was looking at some book, “We weren’t expecting you so soon.”

“Don’t say that Ben.” Diego, who already looked pissed off for the day, “That makes you sound like some sixty year old creep.”

“Good to see you too Diego.” Five said, dropping onto the poorly wrapped chair that the new owners clearly did not want in their living room, “What are you up to this early in the morning?”

Ben, in apparently typical fashion for the ghost-man, looked a bit panicky, looking to Diego for help, god they were disgustingly reliant on each other. Diego obliged, telling him, “Were doing Vanya a favor.”

“Very descriptive Diego, I’m surprised you can remember her name.” Five mocked, “Isn’t that pushing your vocabulary’s limits?”

“Five, knock it off.” Ben scolded, he really acted like what Five wished his father, or stepfather, would’ve at least pretended to be like, “Vanya wanted us to see if there would be a way for her to contact her mother.”

Why would  _ she  _ need  _ their _ help contacting her mother? Vanya did know that phones were a thing right? “Why doesn’t she just, call, her mom?” Five asked, “Doesn’t this seem like a extra?”

“Five, you idiot, her mom’s dead.” Diego hissed at him, like he was  _ supposed _ to just know that. He hadn’t even talked to her yet for fucks sake!

“Her mom, her mom’s dead?” Five repeated, sounding dumber than Diego was on a bad day. Ben, annoyingly, was giving him a hurt puppy look, nodding. Shit. That must suck, especially if her dad cared as little about he seemed to.

Diego was giving him a weird look, weirder than normal for Diego. “What?” Five hissed.

“You really didn’t know that?” Diego asked. And when Five nodded, confirming that he hadn’t known that, how could he have known that until just now, Diego asked, “What has she told you then?”

What the fuck are they talking about? “She hasn’t told me anything!” Five hissed, getting more and more fed up with the bullshit he did  _ not _ sign up for, “I haven’t talked to her yet!” If it weren’t for the fact they were both already ghosts, Five figured they would’ve turned as white as, well, ghosts. “What’s the matter?”

“What do you mean you haven’t talked to her?” Ben asked, terror the only thing in his voice, “She said she’d met a boy yesterday, FUCK!”

“Benjamin, language.” Diego teased.

Five, who’d normally laugh at anyone and everyone for just about any reason, was only filled with worry and confusion for whatever the hell was happening. “What’s wrong? Ben? Diego?”

Diego and Ben both ignored his questions, instead talking with each other, “There’s no way its.”

“Well who else could it be?”

“Five?”

“Its obviously not Five you idiot.”

“I know that Diego. I just don’t want to say the other.”

“The other one?” Five asked, still confused for a solid second before his brain finally came to the conclusion Ben and Diego seemed to have already, “Fuck. Harold, really? Damn that fucker moves fast. What do we do?”

Ben’s mouth opened and closed, like he was supposed to be saying words, but nothing was coming out. But when Diego was about to say something, an utterly terrifying scream came from somewhere just outside the door. Somewhere, like Vanya’s room. Fuck.

As much as Five wanted to go investigate, a weird feeling in his gut urging him to go save Vanya from whatever was tormenting her, still despite not having said a word to the girl; Diego told him to stay with Ben, and that he’d go check it out. 

Diego phased through the door, moving into the hallway as two pairs of footsteps, dear old dad and soon to be stepmother, if the  _ things _ they were dong on the couch when Five passed were anything to go off of, likely coming to check on their charge. 

When Diego came back a few minutes later, Five expected him, hoping he would, be coming back with good news. That there was just some stupid bug in her room,  _ anything _ , other than goddamn Harold. But the terrified look on Diego’s face told him it was that fucking bastard. “Where are they?” Five asked.

“The roof.” Diego answered.

Five, already moving towards the door, “Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go.” only to be stopped by Diego.

“No way.” Diego said, grabbing his arm and dragging him back to the chair he’d been in earlier, “Ben and I will go, you stay here, stay hidden.”

When he didn’t immediately snark back some response, they took that as his compliance in their lack of a plan. As Ben and Diego nearly left him in the attic, Five popped out of the chair Diego had shoved him back onto, “Stop!” and they did, “You guys told me, that  _ you  _ needed  _ me _ to get rid of Harold again. Hopefully for good. But how, am I supposed to do that, hiding in the goddamn attic?”

“You,” Diego hissed, “are going to stay in the goddamn attic. We will get Vanya away from Harold,  _ then  _ and only then, will you rear your goddamn head to get rid of that fucker. Got it?”

“That still doesn’t explain why we can’t do that right now.” Five countered, his stubbornness worse than ever.

“Five,” Ben sighed, “we’ve only talked to Vanya once. She won’t trust us completely yet. We need time.” Five felt completely and utterly defeated. It made sense, and that was the part that pissed him off the most. “Let’s go Diego.” Ben said with another sigh. And, just like that, Five was left alone. Utterly alone.


	7. Are You Willing To Take The Next Step?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya's weird feelings about Harold, obviously, weren't going away. But, Ben and Diego told her to give him a chance.
> 
> But why is he so insistent about making a deal?

When Harold had told her that he wanted to play a game, Vanya now realizing how much that made him sound like Jigsaw, she hadn’t expected him to bring her to the roof, again. She wasn’t quite sure how he managed to bring her up here, but, she was already up there. “What are we doing Harold?” Vanya asked him, “I already told you I didn’t want to play your dumb roof ‘game’ again.”

“We’re not playing  _ that  _ Vanya.” Harold told her, “Are you really that dumb?” What the hell? “We’re not playing a game at all. I need you to make a deal with me, and  _ this _ ,” Harold said, gesturing to the roof, “was the only place we could be alone.”

“Be alone? What do we need to be alone for?” Vanya asked, sincerely wondering why Ben and Diego had been telling her to give Harold the benefit of the doubt, he was just being an asshole for absolutely no reason. And he was still creeping her out. Massively.

In the time Vanya blinked, Harold seemingly crossed the near entirety of the roof and was once again mere inches from her, far too close to her, hissing at her, “Like I said Vanya, if you’d ever shut up and listen to someone else for once in your goddamn life, I need to make a deal with you. Now. And the outcome of this deal solely depends on your cooperation.”

“What could you possibly have that I’d want?” Vanya scoffed, it’s not like she’s told Harold anything about her. And other than the picture, he shouldn’t know anything about her.

“Well,” Harold started, an unnerving smirk filling his face, “for starters, I know how you can see your mom again.”

Vanya, as much as she hadn’t immediately reacted, couldn’t help the question that escaped her, needing the confirmation, “Really? You know a way?” He nodded. “What do I need to do? To see her again.”

Harold stuck his hand out, expecting her to shake on a deal she knew nothing about. “Harold.”

“Vanya.”

“What is my end of the deal?” Vanya asked, “You said that you needed something from me. What is it?”

Anger flashed across Harold’s features, his arm dropping to his side, obviously expecting her to just accept whatever his deal was with no question, but he quickly covered it with a very neutral expression. She  _ may _ be desperate to see her mom again, but she was no idiot. “What is it Vanya? Do you not trust me?” Harold asked, “Have I ever hurt you?”

What had happened less than 12 hours ago on the same fucking roof flashed in Vanya’s mind. Apparently her filter had taken a break, as her answer popped out, “Um, yeah, actually.”

“That was only one time!” Harold yelled, “And you fucking deserved it!” How quickly Harold switched from pure rage to desperation should’ve alarmed Vanya far more than it did, “Vanya, listen to me, I only need you to,” he paused, as if only now making some important decision that he’d neglected to make earlier, “I need you to, to. Actually, I’ll let you pick.” What the hell?

“You can pick between,  _ pretending _ to marry me,” What. The. Fuck? “or, I’ll need you to follow me somewhere you likely won’t like too much.”

This was by far the weirdest deal Vanya had ever heard of, much less been a part of. “And, if I pick one of those, then you’ll help me be able to see my mom again?” She still wasn’t sure how Harold could do anything to help her see her mom, but maybe he had something like The Handbook that held some supernatural answer.

Harold eagerly nodded, like a giddy kid that had just won some prize, “Of course Vanya,  _ I  _ would never lie to you. So,” he stuck his hand out again, “do we have a deal Vanya?”

She should’ve figured his stupid deal would be too good to be true, after all, what kid, albeit a very weird kid, know or do about contacting the dead? But at that moment, she hadn’t been thinking rationally, solely focused on the very real prospect of seeing her mom again; and all illusions quickly melted away when Ben and Diego appeared on the roof with them.

Diego shoved Harold away from her while Ben pulled her back. “Vanya,” Ben’s hands were lightly checking every part of her, as if looking for some injury, “are you okay? He didn’t do anything did he?” Stunned, all Vanya could do was shake her head.

“Stay out of this you fuckers!” Harold screeched, something in his voice made Vanya flinch away from him, despite having several yards between them, “This is a  _ business _ deal, between Vanya and I.”

Harold stumbled back with another shove from Diego, nearly falling off the roof for the second day in a row, “She doesn’t want to be a part of any of your  _ business _ Harold.” Diego spat at him, “Why else do you think that your still a good for nothing, dirty, fucking demon?”

“What?” Vanya did even feel herself ask the question, but before anyone tried answering it, Ben was already pulling her back into the house while Diego and Harold yelled at each other more. Instead of stopping in either the hallway, or returning to her bedroom, like Vanya had expected to do, Ben lead her back towards the attic. “Ben,” she pulled her arm out of his grasp, getting him to finally stop moving and listen to her, “what is going on? And, and why did Diego call Harold a, a, a demon?”

Ben sighed, obviously not wanting to tell her anything more than needed, “Look, Diego and I can explain as much as we can once he’s done dealing with Harold. But, for now,” his hand was on the doorknob of the attic door, “there’s someone we need you to meet.” The door pushed open, revealing a boy sitting in a chair, looking quite cross.

“Who are you?” Vanya asked as she stepped into the room, followed closely by Ben.

The boy practically jumped out of the chair when the entered. “Vanya,” Ben said, “this is Five. Five, this is Vanya.” Not wanting to shake anyone’s hand after the shit that just happened on the roof, Vanya weakly waved at the boy, Five, who waved back. “Five here,” Ben continued, “is going to help us get rid of Harold once and for all.”

“And, how is he going to do that?” Vanya scoffed, soon after quickly telling Five, “No offense or anything, but, your just a kid.”

“So are you.” Five returned, a glare set upon his features.

Ben, apparently playing mediator for now, stepped between them, “Vanya, Five has gotten rid of Harold before. And he’s going to help us do it again. For  _ good _ this time.”

Having decided that  _ this _ was the kind of shit her life in Connecticut seemed to have in store, Vanya asked, “Okay, what do we do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I making Harold more, evil, than necessary? Likely.
> 
> Do I really care? Nope.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! I would say when the next update will be but with how quickly this fic has been getting written, it could be in an hour or so, so, we will see. Until then!


	8. The Earth's A Small Place, Where Good People Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther is worried about Vanya, who at the moment is very much missing, and is wary about the arrival of Allison's guru, Klaus.

Luther, like any parent would in his situation, was absolutely panicking. His daughter was missing, having disappeared without a trace other than her fearful scream, in the aftermaths of  _ another  _ fight. He felt like no matter what he’s done in the past few months, anything to try making his daughter happier, only resulted in Vanya being more upset and pushing herself even further from him.

Allison and Luther had searched throughout the house, for any sign of Vanya, hoping his little girl was just messing with them; only to come up empty. The attic was still locked, for some reason, he really needed to get the key for it, but when they searched Vanya’s room, the living room, his office, the basement, the kitchen, everywhere, there was absolutely nothing.

He felt like the worst parent on the planet.

Vanya had been right after all. He shouldn’t have expected her to be completely supportive of his relationship, and soon to be marriage, with Allison when they’d both hidden it from her for months. He’d been too worried about keeping Allison happy, and their relationship hidden, that Luther completely and utterly, and accidentally, neglected his daughter.

When they found her, or Vanya came back from where ever she’d, hopefully, run off to, (he didn’t even want to  _ think _ about any of the other possible outcomes) Luther was determined to do whatever he needed to do to make his daughter happy.

Allison, as best she could, had been trying to make him feel better about his missing daughter. It wasn’t all that helpful that she kept citing Klaus, mentioning that this was a way that teenagers tended to express their emotions, along with some other shit about inner zen or the alignment of chakras or something, Luther had stopped listening a few minutes ago.

The ringing of the doorbell pulled Luther out of his inner turmoil, at least temporarily. Allison popped off the couch they’d been sitting on and eagerly pounced on the front door, pulling it open to reveal some, hippie. Was this, Klaus?

“Klaus!” Allison cheered, immediately hugging the strange looking man, who, evidently, was her guru Klaus, “I’m so glad you came, and so quickly. And thank goodness you’re here,” Allison pulled  _ Klaus _ with her into their living room, “Luther’s daughter, Vanya, she’s completely disappeared.”

The man, Klaus, Luther still couldn’t believe that  _ this _ was the man his fiance talked so adoringly about, sighed. Holding his hands together in front of his face, as if in thought, “Allison, my darling disciple, you know what I say about teenagers.”

Allison, again, eagerly nodded at the man’s words, shortly followed by reciting some phrase that sounded an awful lot like a song Luther had heard before. As the two seemed to catch up, talking about various topics, like crystals and auras, things he didn’t care about, what he thought to be the sound of footsteps upstairs caught his attention.

Luther moved towards the stairs, the footsteps quickly moving closer, and just when his foot landed on the first step someone rounded the corner of the hallway at the top of the stairwell. “Dad!” Vanya. His daughter practically ran down the stairs, once again nearly crashing into him in a hug.

He eagerly wrapped his, very safe, daughter in another hug. Somehow they’d progressed from hardly talking to having two hugs in less than 24 hours, so, progress. And there was no way in hell Luther was going to mention that to Vanya. Allison and Klaus continued to chatter away, neither seeming to have noticed Vanya’s arrival, while Luther hugged his daughter tighter than he needed to, but she wasn’t complaining. He felt her shaking in his grasp, crying. His little girl was crying and there wasn’t anything he could really do to fix it. 

Mostly, because he had no clue as to why she was crying in the first place.

He only let go of Vanya when she started pushing away from him, Allison and Klaus stopped talking at this point, and Luther figured that Vanya had gotten uncomfortable with the additional, and new, attention. Especially while doing something that she considered to be quite embarrassing.

When Vanya took a step away from him, just enough for Luther to take in her dampened cheeks and puffy, red eyes. “Vanya,” Luther started, keeping a hold of one of her arms, “where did you go? We looked everywhere for you.”

“I was,” Vanya paused, something she’d often do when she lied to either of her parents, “in the attic. The door locked behind me, and I could get out.” Rather than knowingly call his daughter out on her lying, which would be addressed later, Luther just accepted the fib and carefully pulled Vanya with him towards Allison and Klaus.

As they approached, Allison perked up excitedly, “Oh, Vanya! I would like for you to meet Klaus,” she told them, “my guru.” 

“And your new best friend, Vanya dearest!” Klaus said, wrapping his long arms around a very tense, and annoyed looking Vanya. His daughter had never liked people, but especially people she didn’t know, or like, touching her; particularly hugging her.

Once Klaus broke his hug with Vanya up, Luther had Allison show Klaus to the guest room they had upstairs for him. And when they’d gone upstairs, Luther used the time alone with his daughter, even if it was for just a few minutes, to try getting a little more information out of her. “Vanya,” he started, and instead of asking whatever had just happened, not wanting to upset her again, Luther rather asked about his daughter’s odd behavior since moving into their new house, “what’s been going on with you lately?”

“What do you mean?” 

Luther had not once won an argument, no matter how big or small, against Tatianna, she always had had some extraordinarily good debating skills, naturally; and evidently, those natural skills had been given to their daughter as well.

He sighed, silently wishing that their conversation would go over a little bit easier than it likely would, “It’s just, ever since we’ve moved into the new house, there’s just.” Luther took a breath, hoping to be able to collect his thoughts enough to make a coherent sentence, “Since we moved in here, less than two days ago, there seem to be several  _ odd  _ occurrences that are scaring you.” Vanya gave him an odd look, like she was beyond scared, petrified even, that he’d notice what was going on with her. “And as your father,” Luther continued, “it is my job to protect you as best I can. And in order to do that, I need to know what’s going on.”

Vanya looked as if she were deliberating on telling him, and how much to tell him. And for a moment, he thought she was going to tell him, tell him  _ everything _ that had been going on. But instead, she just told him, “Nothing. It’s just, getting used to the new house.”

While he’d rather probe his daughter for more information, Allison and Klaus returned to the living room. Luther shifted his focus from questioning Vanya, which likely would have just resulted in her getting upset with him, to discussing the dinner party they were having in a mere six hours.

“I need everyone to be on their best behavior,” Luther said, sending pointed looks between the three other people in the room, but mostly at Vanya and Klaus, who he still did not trust, but was willing to give him a chance because of Allison’s glowing recommendation, “Sir Reginald Hargreeves and his fourth, or fifth, his fifth wife Grace will be here at 7 o’clock exactly. I expect you all to be properly dressed and present by the time he arrives. And, until it is time, stay out of the kitchen and the dining room. Am I understood?” 

He got an eager nod from Allison, a far less eager nod from Klaus, and absolutely no reaction from his daughter. “Vanya?”

“Yep, got it.” Vanya huffed, already in a bad mood again, “Can I go now?” Luther dismissed his teenage daughter with a nod and a flippant wave of his hand; Vanya soon after quickly bounding back up the stairs and a door opening and closing soon after.

Klaus, perhaps trying to ease the tension in the room, laughed and remarked, “Teenagers, am I right?” and when Allison gave her guru an awkward laugh and Luther leveled him with a glare, Klaus quickly excused himself and, like Vanya had, made his way back upstairs and returned to his newly gifted guest room.

Allison guided him to their couch, rubbing circles into his shoulders, he hadn’t even felt them tense. “It’s all going to work out Luther.” Allison told him, “I promise.”

“How do you know?” He asked her in return.

“Sometimes,” Allison said, “you just need to put some faith in the universe, and just hope for things to work out in the end.”

If putting a little faith in the universe would be what helped Luther piece his family back together, then he was willing to put all his faith in the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I am very tired.
> 
> Goodnight. (It's 1am at the time of posting for me)
> 
> And I hope you enjoyed!!


	9. Nobody Said Life's Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why is Harold so incessant about making this deal? Why can't he just leave Vanya alone?

Vanya quickly made her way up the stairs, rounded the corner of the hallway, and slipped into the attic. “You guys better have gotten your shit figured out,” Vanya hissed as she walked into the attic, Ben, Diego, and Five looking at the sudden intrusion, taking note of Diego’s return, “because I had to get hugged,  _ twice _ .”

“Well, aren’t you just a ball of sunshine?” Diego mocked, which Vanya quickly flipped him off for, earning her, and Diego, offended scoldings from Ben. Again. “But to answer your question, we’ve got a pretty good idea of a way to get rid of Harold,  _ permanently _ .”

“Care to share?” Vanya huffed, crossing her arms indignantly.

Rather than get an answer from Diego, he pulled Vanya away from the attic door as it swung open. They’d been expecting to see Harold on the other side, likely fuming and murderous, but instead saw, “Klaus?”

“Hey short stack,” Klaus said as he walked further into the attic, trying to give Vanya another hug, which she pushed away, walking through Diego and nearly Ben, if he hadn’t moved out of the way, stopping in the middle between Vanya and Five, “what are you two up to?”

Did, does he not see Diego or Ben?

“Nothing.” Vanya answered, “What are you doing here?”

“Who’s your little friend Vanny? You didn’t tell dear old dad you had a boyfriend.” Klaus pestered, ignoring Vanya’s question entirely.

Five gave Klaus a glare while Vanya moved between the two and was pushing Klaus back towards the attic door as she told him, “He’s not my boyfriend!” Diego, annoyingly, was practically, and ironically, dying of laughter. Ben, he wasn’t that much better.

Klaus, moved out of the way of Vanya’s pushing, causing Vanya to nearly fall from the sudden lack of person in front of her, “No, not him, honey.” Klaus said, pointing at Five, quickly confusing the two teens and two ghosts in the room, “The kid that’s downstairs, Harold.” Fuck.

Vanya and Five, as far as Klaus could see  _ apparently _ , pushed past the man and practically ran back down the stairs, neither thinking about how they were going to explain the appearance of a boy who Luther hadn’t met, or seen, yet. When Vanya and Five, followed by Diego and Ben, Klaus slowly rejoining them at the very end, arrived in the living room, Luther and Allison were animatedly talking with  _ Harold _ , who was annoyingly looking sickeningly innocent. Gross.

“Vanya!” Allison called, beckoning her over. Five, that traitor, stayed back with Diego, Ben, and Klaus, while Vanya walked into the lion’s den, her own personal hell, joining Luther, and Allison, and Harold, and having to be pleasant while doing so. “Harold,” Allison continued, throwing an arm around Vanya’s shoulders, her other arm motioning to  _ Him _ , “says that you two are  _ friends _ .” Well, at least he left it at that. Klaus had made it sound like Harold had said they were- “Why didn’t you tell us you had a boyfriend?”

Vanya, officially, hated her life. “We’re not-” Vanya started.

Luther cut her off, which normally would’ve gotten a glare from Vanya, and instead put an arm on Harold’s shoulder, pulling him into, was this supposed to be a fucking group hug or some bullshit? “Harold already told us Vanya, you don’t have to explain. I just wish you would’ve told me you had a boyfriend.”

Vanya, again, tried to explain, “He’s not my-”

“It’s okay Vanya.” Harold said, wrapping his hands around her wrists, “I would, however, like to have a word with you in private. If that would be allowed sir?” This fucking asshole.

Luther, being the gullible idiot Vanya know’s him to be, let Harold literally pull Vanya upstairs, likely thinking they were going to her room, but instead they went to the roof. For a third time.

The second Vanya was on the roof, and was able to, she wrenched her wrists out of Harold’s grasp, scratch marks covering her wrists now from his nails. “What the hell Harold?” Vanya hissed, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“No. No. No. You  _ will _ listen to  _ me  _ Vanya.” Harold growled, “You will make a deal with me, one way or another.”

“I don’t have to do anything with  _ you _ Harold.” Vanya hissed back, silently wondering where the fuck Ben or Diego or Five were.

Harold smirked, something about his look filled Vanya with an unease she had only felt around Him. “Ah, but you do  _ Vanya _ .” Harold teased, “You do have to make a deal with me. For I am here, on a job. What job? You might ask, well, it is a rather simple one. I am here, to  _ kill _ .” What the fuck? “Not you, or your family. That is, unless, you get in my way. And a part of  _ this _ job, needs me to be alive.”

“And how am I supposed to make you be alive?” Vanya scoffed, “And what does this have to do with making a fucking deal?”

“Shut up you pillock!” Harold growled, the house shaking a bit beneath them, “You can either marry me or book a trip to the Netherworld.” The Netherworld? “And in twelve hours time, I will return, and you will need to have decided by then if you are going to make a deal with me and which deal. And the amount of unnecessary blood spilt from this  _ deal _ lies entirely on your choice Vanya.”

Another unnerving glint flashed in Harold’s eyes before he added, “But, if you make your  _ choice _ sooner, you can summon me.”

“How would I do that?” Vanya asked.

And Harold laughed. Laughed at her. “You are so, predictable, Vanya.” Harold said, “Simply say my name three times in a row, and I will  _ return _ for your decision. Tick tock Vanya.” And with that, Harold disappeared in front of Vanya in a puff of smoke.

A few seconds after Harold disappeared, possibly returning to the Netherworld that he’d mentioned, Diego, Ben, and Five appeared or climbed onto the roof. “Vanya, are you okay?” Ben asked as he crossed the roof over to her, “Did he do anything?”

“No, he didn’t.” Vanya told him, Diego and Five joining their little circle, “Where the hell were you?”

Rather than get any answer to her essentially meaningless question, Vanya got “Klaus can see them.” from Five. What?

“What do you mean Klaus can see them?” Vanya asked, “He walked through Diego earlier!”

“Focus you idiotic teenagers.” Diego sneered at them, “What did Harold tell you Vanya?”

For a second, Vanya couldn’t remember anything that Harold had told her, until she told them “He brought up the deal again. Saying that I  _ had _ to make a deal with him. Um, he said he was on a job, that he was here to kill someone, but not me or my family.”

“So that leaves Allison, Klaus, and Five?” Ben guessed, “Unless he can kill ghosts.”

“Which he probably can.” Diego said, turning his attention back to Vanya, “Anything else?”

“He said he’d be back in twelve hours for my decision.” Vanya said, “And that if I decide sooner I could summon him.” Diego, Ben, and Five exchanged a few looks that were causing Vanya unease, “What?”

Ben asked her, “How did he say that you could summon him?”

“I’d have to say his name three times, in a row.” Vanya answered, “He didn’t explain why, other than that he’d show up after I did.”

“I think,” Ben said, “we can use that to get rid of Harold once and for all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through!
> 
> I hope you guys are liking it! Updates might be getting slower, as I need to get my things for fiveya week done, but I am planning to finish this before October 31st.
> 
> [ I made a moodboard!](https://jjdoggie-s.tumblr.com/post/630806313278078976/i-have-been-wanting-to-try-making-moodboards-for-a)


	10. I've Been Swimmin' With Piranhas, I Don't Need A Shark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Diego, FIve, & Vanya discuss their plan to get rid of Harold, once and for all, but, they are also greeted by an unwelcomed guest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS VERY SHORT AND I AM SORRY!

Diego, Ben, Vanya, and Five climbed back into the house, quietly making their way back to the attic. But rather than finding an empty, and dusty, attic, as they’d been expecting, there was someone waiting for them inside. “Klaus?” Vanya asked, as she crossed into the attic just in front of Five. Vanya stormed over to Klaus, hissing at him “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Language young lady.” Klaus tutted, tapping Vanya’s nose exactly once before she grabbed it and threatened to break his finger, “Anyway, can’t an uncle be concerned about his niece,” Klaus’s eyes moved to Five before returning to Vanya, “and future nephew?”

“First of all, you’re not my uncle. Never have, never will be. Got it?” Vanya bit, crossing her arms, which didn’t help her not look like a stereotypical, brooding teenager, “And second of all, and I know that you know this already, because this is the second time I’ve told you,  _ we’re _ not together!”

Rather than continuing to listen to Vanya and Klaus bicker about meaningless things, at least, meaningless to Five, he instead tried to silently tell either Ben or Diego to do something that could scare Klaus out of the attic. If he was going to act like he didn’t see Diego and Ben, Five was going to make him keep up the act.

But as fate has it, neither Ben or Diego were giving him any attention, instead both were fixated on Klaus and Vanya.

When Vanya, apparently having already told Klaus to leave  _ several _ times, nearly yelled at the man to leave, Klaus merely raised his hands in mock defeat and said, “I just want to help.”

“Help with what?” Five asked, leveling a glare at Klaus.

“With the, you know.” Klaus replied, which didn’t actually answer anything.

Five snuck a glance around the room as he instructed for Klaus to, “Explain.” noting that Diego looked weary, Ben was looking to be quite nervous, and he couldn’t see Vanya’s face, but based on her posture, Five figured she was thoroughly pissed off.

“The,  _ you know _ , thing.” Klaus repeated, clearly either not understanding or blatantly ignoring Five’s instruction. And, after Five leveled Klaus with a look, the man added, “Fine! I just want to help you dorks,” he gestured between Five and Vanya, further annoying the already moody teens, “you sexy ghosts,” Klaus added, sending  _ lewd _ looks toward Ben and Diego, “and, most importantly, me!”

“You?” Vanya asked, “What the hell does all  _ this _ have to do with _you_?”

Klaus, who’s obviously never had to deal with kids or teenagers for an extended period of time, patted Vanya’s head, like one would a dog, and told her, “Don’t ask questions that you won’t like the answers to.”

While Vanya leveled a menacing glare at the man, Klaus meandered into the middle of the room. Rather than sneer something callous at the man, as much as Vanya looked like she wanted to, instead she huffed, “Fine, whatever, what’s this plan anyway?”

Ben was the one who mostly explained their plan, which Five and Diego already knew since they were the ones who made it with Ben, with a few added amendments with the new summoning information they’d gotten from Vanya about summoning Harold.

Essentially, Vanya was supposed to summon Harold just after her father’s dinner little party, and tell Harold that she’ll marry him. In a few days of course. After that, she’s supposed to ‘play nice’ and foster a believable friendship with the demon, get him to lower his guard. And finally, on the day of their ‘wedding’ right after he’s brought back to life, one of them, whoever gets a good shot at him, is to try and kill him, again, and send him to the Netherworld for good. This time, as a ghost, rather than a demon, far less powerful.

“Vanya! Klaus!” Allison was calling up to them from downstairs, “Would you two-”

Luther then yelled to them, cutting whatever Allison was going to tell them off, “Reginald and Grace will be here in 1 hour. You both need to be  _ presentable  _ by then.”

Vanya rolled her eyes, then a smirk crossed her features before she quickly walked to the attic’s door and cracked it open, followed by yelling “Luther! Can my  _ friend _ come?”

“Harold?” Luther called back.

“No!” Vanya yelled, eyes locked on him, smirk still set on her features, “Five!”

It sounded like Luther had started to call something back, when instead Allison cut him off, yelling “That’s fine honey!” Vanya rolled her eyes and gagged. And Five honestly wondered if she would stop acting like every moody teenage girl who pretended to hate their parents ever. “Remember, 1 hour!”

Vanya shut the attic door with a bit of force. “What the hell was that for?” Five asked her, “Why’d you drag me into that shit?”

“Because,” Vanya said, her now very annoying smirk still on her lips, “if I have to go, I’m bringing you with me.” Five, in turn, gave her a glare.

“ _Ah_ , to be young and in love.” Klaus sighed, a mockingly dreamy look on his face.   


“Shut up Klaus!” Vanya hissed, then stormed out of the attic and presumably to her bedroom.

Ben sighed, “That could’ve gone better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are liking it so far! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Okay, so, I'm not likely going to finish this by the 31st. But, it'll be done as soon as I can and before the end of November.


	11. I Can't Keep Living Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise over what's supposed to be a business dinner. But, to be fair, at this point, it's a pretty normal occurrence in Vanya's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Reginald is a bit racist/generally rude towards Allison (as well as Klaus and Luther, but mostly Allison)

When Vanya got back to her room, she was very annoyed to see a bright yellow dress hanging on the back of her door. Obviously, she was intended to wear it to this ridiculous dinner party. Didn’t Luther and Allison know she had far more important things to do than attend their dumb dinner party?   
  
Ha, that would require either of them to take their eyes away from each other long enough to remember she existed. Other than, to yell at her for something she may, or may not, have done.

God, she hated them. 

Just 1 year, 4 months, and 2 more weeks and she’ll be 18, an adult, and free from Luther for good.

Not that she was counting or anything.

Okay, she absolutely was. But whatever.

Vanya grabbed the bright yellow dress and dragged the hideous thing downstairs. When she saw Allison talking on her phone, no, she was talking to her fucking crystals again. God, what did Luther see in her? Beyond the crazy.

“Allison,” Vanya said, getting the woman to stop talking to crystals, that’s a real sentence in Vanya’s life, back to the matter at hand. Vanya practically shoved the yellow monstrosity into Allison’s hands as she hissed, “what the fuck is this?”

Allison looked utterly confused, looking at the abhorrent bright yellow fabric that had been shoved into her hands, “It’s a dress, for tonight.” Allison replied, and if it weren’t for the fact she was trying to be a replacement mom for Vanya, the teen  _ might have _ felt a bit of pity for the woman, “What’s wrong with it?”.

“It’s yellow.”

The woman’s eyes roamed over the dress, clearly trying to find something else wrong with the dress, “And?” clearly not finding anything.

“It’s atrocious and revolting,” Vanya sneered, “and I’m not wearing it.”

“Oh, Vanya,” Allison sighed, “it’s for one night. And it’s very important to your father that this dinner goes well with Reginald and Grace.”

Vanya wanted to roll her eyes for what felt like the 45th time that day, “Why does Luther care so much what Grandpa and Grandma number five? Or is it seven? It doesn’t matter, because they’re never going to invest in this shitty place anyway.” Not if she had it her way anyway.

“Language young lady.” Allison chastized, although the nervous laughter took any of the authoritarianistic feeling right out of her scolding, “You know that this is a very important dinner for your father Vanya.” She ignored Vanya’s comment about Allison having already told her that, carefully laid the yellow eyesore on the living room’s sofa as she and continued on, “And he’ll need your help with you being on your best behavior, that means dressing like you’re going to a business dinner, not a funeral. Yellow says business, black says, well, death.”

“It could be both!” Vanya mocked, pretending to hold a wine glass as she gave a mock speech, “A toast to my father and his all important business. Also, one of your wine glasses has been poisoned!”

Allison, in an instant, was from the side of the couch, fiddling with the dress, to Vanya’s side, yelling “Vanya, you give me that!” She took the imaginary wine glass from Vanya’s raised hand and threw it on the floor, saying “Smash.” as she did. Allison sighed, quite dramatically, and asked Vanya, with an annoying, pitiful pleading look, “Vanya, I know that we’re not exactly best friends, and that you’re not exactly happy here, or with your father and I, and I am very sorry for that.  _ But _ , it would mean a lot to Luther if you would play along, just for tonight.”

“And, what do I get out of all this?” Vanya asked.

“The knowledge that you helped your father despite being mad at him?” Allison tried, which Vanya gave her a look, telling her that that wasn’t good enough, “Love and appreciation?” Nope. “Cash?” Tempting. “How about I get your father to give you the attic? You seem to like being in there anyway.” Now,  _ that _ was promising.

But Vanya, the moody and occasionally bratty teenager that she was, replied, “Throw in the basement and you’ve got a deal, Allison.” 

Allison, not surprisingly gave her a rather concerned  _ and _ confused look, “What on Earth could you want to do in that basement?” Allison asked, “It’s so,  _ weird  _ down there.”

“Don’t ask questions, you don’t want the answers to Allison.” Vanya told her, “Anyway, do we have a deal or not?”

“If we do, you’ll wear the dress, and be pleasant?” Allison asked.

Vanya, again, kept herself from rolling her eyes as she told Allison, “Yes, and I’ll try.” The yellow monstrosity was placed back in Vanya’s hands while Allison told her would talk to Luther and that she was proud of her and that they’d be here in like an hour, like she didn’t already know that, and blah blah blah. 

Vanya went back upstairs, reluctantly changed into the dress she’d ‘lose’ as soon as this stupid dinner was over, and was finishing making herself presentable, she did actually like her grandfather, most of the time, and her step-grandmas were usually pretty nice to her when there was a knock at her bedroom door. She wished she could say she had an idea of who it would be, but between Harold, Five, Klaus, Luther, and Allison, she had literally no idea.

She pulled open her door and, thankfully, found Five standing on the other side of it. “What the hell are you doing here?” Vanya asked him, there was still nearly 20 minutes until her grandparents were supposed to arrive.

“You made me come to this stupid thing.” Five said, walking into her room as if it were his own “And I’ve got nothing better to do until then.”

Five looked through the few things she’d taken out of the boxes, mostly just picture frames, while she asked him, “And why are you in here? And not with Ben and Diego?”

Five looked over at her, dropping the one book she had out back on her dresser, and told her with a small shake of his head, “You don’t want to know what they’re doing.”

“What? Having sex?” Vanya asked, because god why was everyone treating her like she wasn’t a 16, almost 17 years old, “Can ghosts even have sex? God, ghost sex is so weird to think about. Man, now I want to go-”

“No. And Vanya, shut up about ghost sex.” Five hissed, his eyes looked her up and down before he said, “Nice dress.”

Five started laughing which earned him a glare, Vanya throwing a nearby wadded up sweatshirt at him and her hissing at him to “Shut up.” 

And, thankfully for Vanya, her grandparents decided to show up early, so she and Five went downstairs, and were treated to Luther completely freaking out, saying things weren’t set up properly, they were, they’d been set up all day.

Luther pulled open the front door just as Reginald and Grace Hargreeves, Luther’s father and step-mother, Vanya’s grandfather and step-grandmother, walked up to the door, Dr. Phineas Pogo, Reginald’s lawyer and long time friend, and who insisted that Vanya and Five call him Dr. Pogo. “Sir Reginald, Mrs. Hargreeves, it’s a pleasure to see you both again.” Luther said.

Once Reginald, Grace, and Pogo had joined Luther, Allison, Vanya, Five, and Klaus in the living room, stalling for time as the caterer that Luther had hired was finishing their dinner, Luther introduced, “Sir Reginald, Mrs. Hargreeves, I’d like for you both to meet Allison, my fiancé.”

Reginald lazily looked Allison over, obviously not impressed by her in the slightest, while Grace had the same pleasant smile on her face since they’d arrived. “Allison,” Reginald repeated, “I thought Luther had hired some au pair for my granddaughter with the same name.” He turned to look at Vanya and Grace, who’d been sitting next to each other, Five on the other side of Vanya, as he said, “Imagine the embarrassment of  _ marrying the help _ . The audacity of some gold-digging tramp, using my darling, vulnerable granddaughter, and taking advantage of her losing her mother, to gain what? Money? Despicable.” Reginald immediately moved onto telling Pogo something that Vanya couldn’t understand. Nor did she care about.

Vanya kept her gaze on the floor straight ahead, the room utterly still and tense. She’d known her grandfather wasn’t a nice man, far from it, and often he was just an outright mean person, but never had Vanya expected her grandfather to say such flat out horrible things about someone he hadn’t met before. She snuck a glance at Five, who looked more angry than anything else, hoping to get some clue as to how she was supposed to react to  _ that _ and got nothing.

Flicking her gaze from Five, back to her shoes, and then moved over to Luther, silently hoping he’d do something,  _ anything _ , to rid the mounting tension filling in the room. Luther looked conflicted, it was evident on his face. He couldn’t decide whether to say something to his father and defend Allison or stay silent and take what his father had said about his fiance.

Thankfully for everyone in the room, other than Reginald and Grace, who still had some weird vacant look on her face, one of the waiters that Luther had hired for this dinner, because he was being  _ that extra _ , slipped out of the dining room and informed them that the caterer was ready for them.

Their group of six adults and two children, (and two ghosts, but over half of them didn’t know they were real) made their way into the overly formally set dining room. Reginald seating himself at the head of the table, telling Vanya to sit opposite him at the other end, Five soon after taking the seat to her left, Klaus sliding into the one on her left. Luther moved to take the seat on Reginald’s right, only to be told by Reginald that Dr. Pogo was sitting to his right, Grace to the left of Reginald, and Allison between Dr. Pogo and Klaus, leaving the seat between Five and Grace for Luther.

A few seconds after they’d all been seated, a line of four waiters breezed into the dining room, each carrying two plates, dropped the plates onto the table; another wave of waiters swept in leaving water glasses for the eight of them, and wine glasses filled with white wine. Allison likely picked it since she tends to drink white wine over red wine, and Luther hardly ever drank wine, favoring bourbon instead.

Reginald made a remark about the  _ interesting choice _ of having white wine, a muscat blanc as Allison told them, with veal. Vanya had no clue what that meant, especially because she couldn’t drink, not yet at least, especially in front of Luther or Allison, but she suspected that meant they wouldn’t go well together. The dinner, for what was meant to be a business dinner, had basically no talking and had zero business negotiations actually occurring. And Vanya changed for  _ this _ . Great.

“Logan,” Reginald said, ignoring Luther’s correction of his name, “what is it that you wished to speak to me about? You  _ know  _ I’m a very busy man.”

“I thought you retired like five years ago.” Vanya said.

The glare that Reginald had been giving Luther shifted to Vanya and changed into a smirk as Reginald said, “Retired, yes. That doesn’t mean I have time to spend on frivolous endeavors like-”

“Seeing you son?” Vanya asked, “Or your granddaughter? You’re  _ that _ busy?”

“Vanya!” Luther hissed, before quickly moving his attention to Reginald, “I’m sure she doesn’t mean it Sir.”

Reginald did not glance at Luther, and instead kept watching Vanya, “No, she does. Tatiana raised a strong young woman.” Her grandfather rose from his chair, walking around the table, stopping right behind Vanya’s chair, “Which is why, Vanya will be coming to live with me in a week's time.”

“What?” Luther asked, confused.   
  
And Vanya repeated, “What?”

“I intend for Vanya, once she turns eighteen, to inherit complete control of all Hargreeves corporations and its affiliates.” Reginald said, taking a grip on both of Vanya’s shoulders, “But, before that can happen, she must be trained and prepared to take on the business world.”

Luther was at a loss for words, while Vanya didn’t know of any ways that Reginald could gain custody of her, especially since Luther was  _ legally _ capable of doing so, leaving Allison to be the one to ask, “On what grounds could you possibly get sole custody of Vanya?”

Reginald’s eyes flickered over to Allison and sneered, “I wasn’t talking to  _ you _ . And this is a family matter so, why don’t you, the homeless man, and the  _ boy _ , go elsewhere.”

Allison tried to argue that she  _ was _ , or would be, a part of the family, Luther quickly told her, Klaus and Five to go back to the living room. Klaus and Five stayed silent, Klaus watching Luther and Allison while Five kept looking for some kind of cue from Vanya to do anything different, while Allison continued to argue with Luther, and Reginald, that she would be staying. Vanya gave Five a small head shake, mouthing for him to ‘go’ as Luther, in the only instance Vanya could think of, yelled at Allison to shut up, listen to him, and get out.

Without another word, and with an understandably upset look on her face, Allison left the dining room, Klaus and Five following shortly behind her. Not that anyone else left in the room other than Vanya knew, but Diego stayed in the dining room while Ben went into the living room with Klaus and Five (Maybe Allison if she hadn’t stormed upstairs or out of the house).

“Lincoln,” Reginald started once the room was vacated, moving to stand between Vanya and Luther, “we all know that since Tatiana  _ passed _ , you haven’t been the same. You used to be such an attentive and loving father, giving Vanya anything a child might need.” Vanya kept her gaze focused on the table as she felt the weight of Luther’s pained eyes on her. “ _ But _ , since then you’ve become detached from your child, and have become fixated on some kaffer.”

The look that crossed Luther’s face at that, whatever kaffer meant, was one that Vanya had seen one other time in her life. When they got the news that her mother was dying, and that there was no cure. “Get out.” Luther ordered, “I want you out of my house. Now.”

A smirk reappeared on Reginald’s face, which meant nothing good. “Now, now, Lawrence, there’s no need to get upset.” Reginald sneered, “This emotional instability, negligent behavior, and your alcoholism is exactly why Vanya should’ve been removed from your care months ago.  _ You _ obviously can not provide sufficient care for her, isn’t that right Pogo?”

Dr. Pogo had a sad look on his face as he answered, “Yes sir, it appears so.”

“Grace?” Reginald asked.

“Of course.” Grace replied, although it looked like she had no idea what they were talking about.

Reginald turned his complete attention back to Luther, Luther glaring back at his father, Pogo watching them and Grace looked ahead, sipping on her wine thoughtlessly. Luther and her grandfather continued their argument about how Luther had been negligent and the various other falsified reasonings for Reginald to have custody over her.

And no one paid attention to her as a familiar voice whispered to her right. “Hey, Vanya.” She looked from the corner of her eye and could barely see Harold standing just to the right of her chair, nearly behind it.

As much as she wanted to ask him what the hell he was doing here, she couldn’t since Luther, Reginald, Dr. Pogo, and Grace would see her talking to air and think she’s gone insane. Well, they wouldn’t be too far off in that assumption. Harold seemed to have known what she wanted to do as he told her, “Don’t worry about talking to me  _ babes _ . They can’t see me anyway, and, it’s not like they’re paying you any attention anyway.”

Rather than rise for the obvious, and unfortunately true, dig, Vanya asked him quietly, not moving her head to look at him, “What are you doing here?”

Harold sat in the chair Klaus had been occupying before, kicking his feet onto the table. “Well, we did agree that you’d strike a deal with me. And, it’s time kiddo.”

Vanya saw Diego walk through the wall as Harold talked to her, likely going to tell Five, Klaus, and Ben that Harold had already returned. Vanya told Harold that, “I never agreed to make a deal with you Harold. And you’re early for your own deadline.” Vanya snuck a few glances at the four adults in the room, none of which seemed to notice her talking to nobody. Typical. 

“Those are just frivolous details, Vanya.” Harold said, “Look, the point is that if you don’t summon me officially, and make a deal with me in the next, oh, I’d say five minutes, you’re going to be shipped off to Pennsylvania.”

“Pennsylvania? My grandfather doesn’t live in New Jersey Harold,” Vanya said, “he lives out in California.”

Harold laughed at her, wiping a fake tear from his eye as he remarked to no one, “Oh, to be young and dumb.” before continuing on, “If you honestly think kid, that he is gonna give you any more attention that you get from Daddy and Stepmommy now, then you’re crazier than me. Your Granddaddy is gonna drop you off at the first boarding school on his way back to  _ his _ mansion, then ship you right to some hoity toity business school, and only then, if you’re successful enough for him, will he give you a lick of attention.”

“That’s not true.” Vanya immediately replied, “He wouldn’t do that.”

“He wouldn’t?” Harold repeated, “Then, why do you think dear old Dad has a few business degrees? For fun? Or to get his own Daddy to pay him a little attention?” He moved to stand next to Vanya again, pushing his face right next to her’s, to the point where if he needed to breath, she’d feel his breath on her face, “All  _ you _ need to do, to avoid the same fate, is make one, little, deal. What do you say Vanny?”

Vanya, no longer caring if her family thought she was weird, so what if she was, turned to look at Harold as she asked, “So I just have to summon you, make a  _ deal _ , and everything will be fine?”

“You got it  _ babes _ .” Harold answered, “Now, just say my name, three times, spoken unbroken. And you can have  _ anything  _ you want.”

“Anything?” Vanya asked.

“Anything.” Harold answered.

Vanya nodded, took a calming breath, and glanced over at the four adults that were no longer just arguing and were instead yelling at each other before quickly muttering, “Harold. Harold. Harold.”

There was a flash of green light coming from where Harold had been standing, one that moved to the center of the table, drawing the attention of the adults just as Five, Klaus, Ben, and Diego re-entered the dining room. “Welcome, welcome, welcome.” Harold said with a smirk, “Can everybody see me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, fyi - kaffer is considered a very offensive term for a black person, according to Wikipedia.
> 
> I hope you liked it!! Thank you so much for reading!! Sorry about the delay in updating, I was busy with fiveya week, the election week, and general school things. I'll be updating fics as I have time, so please be patient 😇


	12. And No One Gets Molested By A Gothy Teen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harold makes a few demands and gets them, because who's going to tell him no? And live?
> 
> A little bloodshed never hurt anyone anyway. Well, actually, it _does_ hurt one person, but they were going to die anyway.

The screaming that filled the room, mostly by the adults in the room, feed him with _such_ _delicious_ feelings of fear. The screams of breathers always reminded him of how much more _powerful_ he was than them.

He honestly hadn’t expected to get as much of a rise out of Luther and Allison as he did, especially because they’d already met him, but maybe it was due to the fact that he’s suddenly appeared on their table, in a flash of green, and could practically  _ feel _ his fangs burrowing into his lip and eyes burn bright green. All in all, a rather unnerving sight for stupid breathers.

“What is the meaning of this you petulant child?” Some old guy, with a fucking monocle, asked, looking Harold up and down, sizing him up, “Why don’t you and the  _ other one _ go run off and play? Your little  _ display _ has interrupted some very important business of mine.”

Harold, never one to be lesser than a fucking breather, sized the old guy up as he’d done to him, asking, “And  _ you _ are?” The audible gasp from nearly every other breather in the room, as well as the glare and scoff the old guy gave him, told him enough to know he’d likely offended the old man. Good.

“Lonny!” the old guy sneered, looking at Vanya’s dad, “Get this  _ child _ removed from the premises immediately.  _ You _ can not tolerate this kind of disrespect”

He channeled his best condescending tone, waving his finger while he tsked the old guy, hopping down from the table in front of him as he noted, “I’m not disrespecting him,” waving towards the blond guy, he really didn’t care about names, “this is all for  _ you _ .” Going off script, seeing as he wasn’t  _ supposed to _ cause any more harm than needed, Harold shoved his hand into the old guy's chest, his nails sharpening to a point, he could feel the warmth of breather blood coating his hand as his fingertips grazed the beating heart of the bastard, slowly wrapping around it.

The old guy practically jumped, a normal breather reaction for being  _ so close _ to death, an oh so satisfying, involuntary gasp coming from the guy. As the old man started to slump over, the heart in Harold’s palm started to slow its beating, so Harold, the ever gracious and generous demon he was, simply took a tight hold of the still beating organ and pulled it from the man's chest, then tossing it onto the table. Glorious screams erupted in the room again, coming from all parties this time as the body before him dropped onto the floor.

Harold looked between the still living breathers and ghosts in the room, varying degrees of shock, horror, and fear on their faces. Each of their expressions fueling the blood lust he’d denied for  _ oh so long _ . “Awe, what’s wrong?” Harold asked them, relishing in the still scared looks on most of their faces. 

Luther and Allison were clinging to each other, him more than her. The Lawyer-Butler Man and Vanya’s Fifth (or Seventh) Step-Grandmother had been the last to return to the dining room, only returned long enough to watch the barely, beating heart be pulled from the old guy, before the blonde woman was escorted out by the lawyer-butler. And even the hippie, weirdo and the ghosts, who’d gotten a few steps in from the door, were in  _ delightful _ shock. It took Harold another second to realize that  _ Five _ had been ignoring  _ him _ and was whispering something to Vanya.

That little bastard was  _ not _ going to ruin all his work.

Even though it was only a flashy, party trick, Harold moved in a puff of smoke from the side of his latest kill (he was practically at death’s door anyhow) to being in between Five and Vanya, forcing him away from her. Harold grabbed Vanya’s wrist (it felt like he’d just done this whole shtick the other day) and reappeared standing on the table, forcing Vanya in front of him.

Evidently, Luther had some parental instincts for once, and  _ apparently _ seeing your daughter being held captive (for now don’t worry) by the demon that  _ just _ killed your piece of shit father was a  _ bit _ worrying. “What do you want?” Luther demanded, evidently thinking that Harold could simply be bribed away. Well, he’ll play ball.

“Hmm,” Harold rubbed his chin in mock thought, that’s what they always did in movies anyway, “I want this house, you stupid breathers gone, and,” pause for dramatic effect, “your daughter.”

“What?” Luther questioned, as Vanya also asked “What?” sounding confused compare to her father’s anger.

Knowing he didn’t have  _ quite _ enough energy to pull out his big tricks quite yet, Harold stalled hissing back, “You asked, I answered. Now, I will be so kind as to allow the rest of you  _ disgusting breathers _ to get out of  _ our house _ ,” pulling Vanya closer to him as he said ‘our’ “in the next seven minutes, five for you,” Harold added looking at Five, “and I won’t kill you,  _ yet _ at least.” He could feel the pounding of Vanya’s heart, although her face didn’t show any of the fear running through her as the rest of the room remained in near silence, looking between Harold and Luther. 

“I will  _ not _ be ordered around in my own house.” Luther sneered, sounding quite like his father for a moment, “I  _ demand _ that you-”

“ _ You _ are in no position to be making any demands Dear Old Daddy.” Harold snapped, revealing in the flinches he got from Vanya  _ and _ Luther. Harold could feel the buzzing of his surplus of energy from the breather’s fear.  _ Showtime _ . “You  _ all _ have ten seconds to get out of my house,” his nails sharpened into a point, into claws, which he aimed right at Vanya’s throat, “or I’ll kill  _ poor little Vanya _ and then the rest of you!”

Luther opened his mouth to likely argue again, but before a single syllable could escape from the man’s lips, Harold called a sandworm up from the Netherworld, screeching as it broke through the wooden floors. “GET OUT!” Harold ordered, followed soon after by the sandworm barreled towards Luther and Allison.

Luther and Allison left the dining room, and the house, right after. Diego and Ben each told Five and Klaus something he couldn’t hear over the sandworm’s screeching, before disappearing from sight. Klaus moved to leave right after they did, only stopping when he realized that  _ Five _ wasn’t moving. Vanya turned, as best she could from the way he was forcefully holding her, and mouthed something to Five. 

(He knew she mouthed it and hadn’t actually said anything because there were no vibrations coming from her chest that were normal for breathers when they talked.) 

And whatever she said to him was enough for Five to leave with Klaus without another word, throwing a look over his shoulder back at them before Klaus had to push him out the door.

Harold waited for a moment before letting go of Vanya, waiting to hear if any of those fuckers hadn’t left the house like they were supposed to. When he didn’t hear anything, not even the whispers of an annoying, overbearing ghost, Harold let go of Vanya, ignoring the laborious deep breaths she was taking (out of fear and exhaustion, not from any actual physical activity), he spun Vanya to face him, holding her shoulders as he told her with a smirk, “We’re going to have  _ so much _ fun together.”

“What does that mean?” Vanya asked, sounding as if she were about to cry and more scared than she’d ever willingly let anyone know.

“Ugh, if I have to explain it to you I will,” Harold groaned, “although I thought you were smarter than the rest of those idiots. You and I, we’re going to make a deal, a real one. And now, it just you, and me.”

Vanya, he really thought she was smarter than this, asked, “What do you mean? I thought we already had a deal? That was the whole name thing.”

He dropped his hands from Vanya’s shoulders, “No you idiot.” Harold hissed, the scared  _ and _ offended look on Vanya’s face was an  _ interesting _ one, “The only thing you’ve done is summon me. Which lets me interact with and in  _ your _ world, but not to my  _ fullest _ extent. Once we make and fulfill our little deal, and I’ll be able to do whatever I want.”

“And, what do I get out of all this?” Vanya asked, “Because just being able to see my mom again doesn’t seem like a fair trade at this point.”

Harold morphed the smirk that wanted to weasel its way onto his face into a smile as he told her, “That’s fair. How about, I find a way for you and your mom to be together again, for a long, long time. Would that be fair to you?” And when Vanya thought it over for a moment before nodding back to him, it felt like yet another piece of the puzzle clicked into place for his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update survey if you're interested -> https://forms.gle/g6xiobeVzqQSKKc67


	13. No More Condescending Adults Hanging Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everyone gone, well, all but Vanya, Harold tells his soon-to-be wife a little bit more about himself.

While she’d been wanting and wishing that Luther and Allison would leave her alone. Let her go back to New York, back to  _ her  _ home. They could keep this shithole in fucking Connecticut, and let her go live in New York alone. Plenty of fifteen year olds did it, why couldn’t she? She’d always been quite self-sufficient. 

But now, now that she was  _ actually _ alone. Completely and utterly alone. Well, not completely alone. She was, after all, stuck here with Harold.

Yeah, that’s a lot worse than  _ actually  _ being alone.

“Hey Vanya,” Harold purred into her ear, sending shivers down her spine, “guess what  _ we’re _ going to do?” She refused to give him an answer, trying to ignore him; and  _ because _ she was ignoring him, Harold moved in front of her, his nails digging into arms. “We, are going to have  _ so much fun _ together. Just the two of us.”

“You said you’d find a way for me to be with my mom again. To bring her back here.” Vanya started, “How are you going to be able to do that?”

Harold reached for one of Vanya’s arms again, which caused her to yank her arm back even further from him as well as take a few steps back from him; a smirk on his face as he told her, “Don’t worry about  _ that _ babes, I got everything under control. But, first things first, we have an important  _ marital _ matter to attend to first.”

“Why, why do we have to do that first?” Vanya asked, “And, and don’t there have to be witnesses to our  _ wedding _ thing?”

He paused, a flash of annoyance appearing on his face for a second before he quickly covered it, she was right, “You know babes,” Harold cooed, “you’re right. While we  _ wait _ for  _ things _ to fall in place for our wedding, why don’t we get to know each other a little better?”

Now  _ that _ could be quite useful.

“Sounds great.” Vanya replied, hating herself for the  _ obviously faked _ cheery-peppy bullshit in her voice, “How about you start? Tell me about the,” Vanya couldn’t make it obvious how much she knew already, “the Neverworld. Where you said you’re from. I should know about my  _ soon-to-be husband _ after all.” God, she felt sick just saying that.

Harold looked  _ interested _ by her question, “The  _ Netherworld _ huh? Well, alright then my dear wife, I’ll start with your soon to be mother in law, my  _ mother _ or as she prefers to be called, The Handler.”

* * *

_ He’d never liked being in her office. Ever since he was reborn into his immortal form, because of her, she’d always made him feel like an incapable child. The Handler always chastised him rather harshly for any minuscule infraction or mess up he made was always blown out of proportion with her. The Handler always acted like he had caused the end of the world. _

_ “Harold honey,” The Handler purred, looking at the incident report she’d gotten from his latest assignment, “you know the rules. You know them. So why you continuously screw up the most basic principles that our work stands for that actual infants can comprehend by the number of times you’ve been written up for, I’ll never understand.” She stood from her desk, walking around it to stand in front of him as he remained seated. “Now, if it wasn’t for the fact that you're my, son, you and I both know you would’ve been removed from your position years ago. Correct?” _

_ “Correct.” Harold quietly replied. _

_ Her cold fingers wrapped around his chin, forcing him to look up at her, “Very good dear.” She let go of his chin. “We need to discuss your current assignment, the wannabe shaman freak that’s set to die. This is an  _ easy _ assignment, everything has been set in place for you to wait another, what, a breather day, if that. But, instead, you’ve revealed yourself to two bratty teenage breathers and three adult breathers, and are no closer to killing your one target, Harold.” _

_ Why she always felt the need to berate and reiterate everything he’d ever done wrong, Harold wouldn’t know. But he wasn’t planning on having to deal with it much longer. _

_ “Maybe,” The Handler continued, “it would be best to pull you from fieldwork once and for all. Get you something in management. How does that sound dear?” _

_ And Harold answered before he could bite his tongue, “Terrible.” _

_ “Terrible?” The Handler repeated, “If that is so terrible, then what do you suggest that we try then Harold? Because I’m just about at the end of my rope with you.” _

_ And Harold replied with, “I have a proposal, and it would need your approval.” He really hoped that his sudden idea would work to some degree. _

_ “A proposal?” The Handler repeated, “And what would that be?” _

_ It was now or never Harold. Pull your shit together. “I suggest, er propose that, once I finish this assignment, I will step down from my position and will stay out of your hair, for good.” _

_ The Handler raised an eyebrow at that, her attention had most certainly been piqued, “And how, Harold dear, do you intend to stay out of my hair? Trouble seems to just follow you around.” Her red heels clicked back behind her desk, as she once again took a seat in her chair. _

_ “I will remain in the Surface world, live among the breathers.” Harold said, watching as The Handler stiffened, her smirk dropped from her face, replaced by a frown and cold eyes looking through him, “I’ll be out of your way.” _

_ “Do you think that’s for the best Harold?” She asked, cold, dead eyes glaring right through him, “To just run and hide and play house with that little brat?” _

_ Harold asked, “How did you know about her?” There was no way she knew about his  _ plans  _ with Vanya. _

_ The Handler laughed, rolling her eyes as she did. “Oh Harold,” she started, “after all these years, you still haven’t figured it out, you idiot. I know everything. I  _ see _ everything, Harold. You think you can run off, get some dumb teenager to marry you? Become what, a breather again? You think that’s going to make you happy Harold, fine!” The Handler paused, recollected herself, and added, “I will allow you  _ one _ attempt Harold, to finish your assignment-” _

_ Harold started, “Thank you-” _

_ “But! If you do not complete your assignment,” The Handler continued, “if the shaman freak does  _ not _ die  _ or _ if your little breather whore thing gets in my way, there’s no telling what I’ll do to get  _ my _ job done. Am I understood?” _

_ “Yes ma’am.” _

_ “Good. Now get out.” _

* * *

They didn’t have much time. Every second that they left  _ Vanya _ with  _ Harold _ was another second that that  _ demon _ could do whatever he wanted to her. And Five had promised her, and himself, that he wouldn’t allow for  _ anything _ to happen.

Now, Five hadn’t intended to go with Luther and Allison and Klaus to this weird motel that he hadn’t known existed until just now that wasn't too far from his house and Vanya’s, but it’s not like he couldn’t’ve just brought them back to his house. His mom would’ve flipped. If she was there. But still, here he was, exchanging looks with Klaus as Allison and Luther panicked about what had just happened. Diego and Ben had disappeared the second they crossed through the front door of the house, and Five had a feeling that they were stuck in the house, bound to it.

“Klaus!” Allison cried, her hands taking handfuls of his shirt, “Klaus what do we do? How, how do we fix-fix this?”

“I, I, we, um. Five and I have a plan.” Klaus started.

“A plan?” Luther repeated, while Allison seemed relieved that someone had a clue as to what they should be doing, “What plan?”

Klaus looked back over at Five, obviously looking for some kind of guidance in this shit show. So, as he’d expected to do, Five took over, “I’ll start with the more  _ basic _ information you two will need to know. Starting with, that Harold Jenkins isn’t exactly what you think he is.”

“Don't you mean  _ who _ he is?” Allison asked, “Not  _ what _ he is.”

“Harold Jenkins is a demon.” Five deadpanned, watching as shock crossed both Allison and Luther’s faces.

Luther sputtered, “You can’t be serious.” while Allison was in disbelief. “You mean that my  _ daughter  _ is stuck with a demon?”

“That is  _ exactly _ what he means Luther.” Klaus said, possibly trying to lighten the rather  _ grim _ situation they were all forced into.

Ignoring Klaus’s cheeky response, Luther instead focused his attention on Five and asked, “What do we do Five?”

Five had grabbed the keys to Luther’s car from the little table they’d been dropped onto and tossed them at Luther, telling him, “Klaus and I will explain on the way, but we can’t stay here. The longer that Vanya is stuck with Harold, alone, the more danger she is in  _ because of _ him.”

Klaus and Five were already moving back out of the motel room they’d just gotten into, heading back towards Luther’s hastily, and poorly, parked car; Luther and Allison hastily following behind them. Once the four of them got back into Luther’s car, as they pulled out of the shitty motel’s parking lot, back onto the road that would be a short drive back to the house and Vanya, (and Harold) Luther asked, “What the fuck is actually happening?”

Before Five could  _ rationally _ explain to Luther and Allison what they suspected (and basically  _ knew _ at this point) Klaus brashly told them that, “Harold is either planning to marry Vanya  _ or _ he’s going to murder her. But we’re fairly sure he’s going the marriage route with your fifteen year old daughter. So no worries!”

“No worries?” Luther repeated, “You’re saying that my little girl, is stuck with a fucking demon, that wants to either  _ marry _ my fifteen year old  _ or kill _ my fifteen year old, and  _ you're saying _ not to worry?” He’d gotten more and more upset, and frustrated, as the realization of how fucked their situation and lives had become in a matter of days. And it was completely understandably. But Five couldn’t worry about trying to mediate or  _ fix _ the shit hitting the fan, because as the car pulled to a stop in front of the house, it was  _ obvious _ what had changed. 

They’d only been gone an hour tops, but Five could  _ see _ the  _ changes _ that Harold had made to the house in their absence. The former red brick and brown wood exterior was completely black, green and white flashes of light shooting out of every window. It was already far worse than Five had suspected. But, at least he could see Diego and Ben in the attic window for a second.

But now, Five had a demon to send back to Hell, or, the Netherworld.


	14. Tragic and Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things most definitely are getting worse and worse in Vanya's life. First, her mom died, then, they fucking moved and all the Harold shit started, and now. How does she even _start_ explaining this shit?
> 
> Maybe Hell wouldn't be that bad after all.

There wasn’t much Vanya could do other than silently hoping that their plan had gone off without a hitch; she’d bided for time for as long as she could. Even having to listen to Harold ramble on about ‘Mother’ whom he seemed to have a strong disdain towards. Vanya didn’t even know how long it had been since Harold had kicked the others out of the house. It seemed like time was flying past her while dragging on and on all at the same time.

“Hey babe,” Harold purred in her ear, appearing out of nowhere. Which was  _ apparently _ something he could just  _ do _ whenever he wanted. Lovely. “Now that I’ve told you a little bit about me, hows about you spill your guts to me? Just a little itty bitty bit.”

Already knowing her ‘indignant’ callus and ‘needlessly’ cynical attitude would come back to bite her on the ass sooner or later, Vanya simply replied, “I don’t think so. I’m sure you already know plenty more than you’re leading on Harold.” And within seconds of her response, Harold’s cheeky grin quickly dissolved into a cold glare that would send a shiver down most people’s spine.

But Vanya had been expecting it. Harold had reacted  _ exactly _ like Five, Ben, and Diego had said he would.

“You know what kid,” Harold growled, his voice sounding like that of a much older man than the teen boy he’d been using up until now, “you’re messing with a demon. An all-powerful force that could rip your angsty teenager heart from your chest with the mere snap of my fingers. And  _ you _ dare to treat me with such insolence?”

Being the slightly sadistic teenager she was, Vanya challenged him, “Then do it.”

“W-what?” Harold stammered, clearly caught off guard, as most  _ beings _ would be, “You’re serious?” he paused for a moment until evidently, he had some  _ idea _ of how to respond to that, before he added, “Alright kid. Let’s play a little  _ game _ then Vanya.” Harold tightly gripped Vanya’s upper arm, his nails feeling like claws as they dug into her skin while he forced her to follow him around the house and down into the basement.

Everything was moving a bit too fast for Vanya to even  _ begin _ to understand what was happening. One moment she was needlessly provoking a demon thing that could easily kill her if they wanted to, and the next she was in the basement, being forced into some plastic wrapped chair by seemingly nothing. “H-Harold,” Vanya stammered, trying to  _ move _ her legs or arms to no avail, her limbs staying firmly against the plastic, “w-what are you doing?”

“Relax  _ Vanya _ we’re merely playing a little game. Just like you wanted.” Harold answered, moving to stand less than half a foot from Vanya, his hands reaching over to her, tilting her chin up as he told her, “Now, I have two games in mind, one far more fun than the other, but I’ll let you pick  _ my little Vanya _ .” Why he’d decided to call her  _ that _ she didn’t know. But regardless, Vanya had leveled him with a glare that he laughed off, and replied to it with, “Well, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just pick.”

Harold snapped his fingers and a book, one strikingly similar to the handbook that Ben and Diego had had up in the attic. As he began thumbing through it, clearly looking for something, Vanya could barely see two blurred figures behind Harold, who she  _ hoped _ were Diego and Ben. But it’s not like they’d be able to do anything. They were just ghosts, and Harold was a  _ very _ powerful demon.

Vanya’s few moments of  _ relief _ were cut short by Harold finding whatever the hell he was looking for. “Alright my love,” Harold purred, leaning in to be mere inches from Vanya’s face, “I will give you a fair warning, that this may hurt just a smidge; but it’s going to be  _ so much fun _ . Well, at least for me.”

“What are you talking about?” Vanya asked in a panic, “What are you doing?” She was nearly yelling, it’s not like anyone would hear, and be able to help anyway. “Harold? What are you doing?” Vanya repeated, unable to do anything besides yell at the demon before her as his clawed hand reached towards her, “I get it! You’re fucking terrifying! Harold stop-”

_ Nothing _

One moment, Harold’s disgusting clawed hand was reaching towards her, and the next  _ nothing _ . 

Absolutely  _ nothing. _

Within seconds, or what felt like seconds, of being in the nothingness, whatever it was that had been causing Vanya so much distress just  _ floated _ away. She felt relaxed. At peace. Happy.

It had been so long since Vanya had been able to feel that way.

Ever since Mom- since her mom had  _ died _ it had felt like there was a growing stone in her very center. Dragging her into the Earth. Dragging her down. But now, for the first time in months, it was gone. She felt just like she had  _ before _ they’d even known her mom was sick.

“Vanya?” She knew that voice. “Moye solntse, is it really you?” Vanya had thought she’d never, ever hear that voice again.

“Mom?” Vanya cried. Her mom was standing in front of her, looking as she had over a year ago, she hadn’t been there a second ago. But that didn’t matter in the slightest to Vanya. Her feet were already moving, closing the short distance between herself and her mom and her arms were reaching around her mom as she neared her. Her mom's arms wrapping themselves around her.

Tatiana pressed a kiss to the top of Vanya’s head, something Vanya hadn’t even realized she’d missed until just now. “How’s my baby been?” Tatianna asked, her fingers running through Vanya’s matted hair.

“Really bad mom.” Vanya answered without thought, just trying to press herself as tightly as she could.

“I’m so sorry my love.” Her mom told her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before continuing, “I wish I hadn’t caused you so much pain.”

Again, without sparing a second thinking, Vanya told her, “It’s not because of you Mamen’ka! I promise! It’s just, moving. You know how much I loved home, our house in New York.”

Tatiana sighed, giving Vanya the look she’d always gave her when she was obviously lying, “Malyshka, I need you to stop living in the past. Otherwise, you’ll miss your present  _ and  _ your future.”

“But I can’t  _ live _ without you Mamen’ka.” Vanya whined, “How am I supposed to?” For a second, if that, Tatiana flickered from being a solid form to one much like a ghost's. And while it was only a mere second, it sent panic and fear shooting through Vanya. “Mom? Mom, what’s happening to you?”

“Moye solntse, you have to go back.” her mom said, brushing some of Vanya’s stray hairs out of her face, “And you need to live your life, just as I wanted you to.” 

Vanya Yekaterina Petrovna Hargreeves had always been a fairly stoic child, lessons about composure and pose from Reginald and Tatiana since she was born having a heavy hand in that, only having cried exactly five times in her entire life (beyond what was typical for infants). So, when she broke down sobbing at the implication that she’d be losing her mother for a second time, Tatiana was concerned.

“Kotenok, you’re going to be okay.” Tatiana assured her, wiping away the tears running down Vanya’s cheeks, “You’ve got so many people that love and care about you Vanya, and you need to return to them. And besides, after you’ve lived a long and fulfilling life, I promise my baby, we can spend as much time together as you want for the rest of time.” Her mother’s voice started becoming more and more warped as she spoke, “It’s not safe for you here my baby, it’s taking a heavy toll on not only your soul, but your mind and body as well. I mean, for heaven's sake your nose is bleeding.”

“It is?” Vanya questioned, she hadn’t felt anything. But sure enough, when she felt the skin above her lip there was a trail of blood. When looked from her bloodied fingers up to where her mom was, she only found empty space again. “Mom? Mom? Mom, where are you?”

Once again, in the blink of an eye, everything shifted around Vanya, and she was falling. But the thing was, she wasn’t falling down, but rather she was rising up.

Vanya’s flew open and she was sat in the basement again, her fingertips lightly coated in blood, Ben and Diego both standing in front of her looking  _ very _ concerned, and Harold was nowhere to be seen. “Ben, Diego, what’s, what’s happening?” Vanya asked, grimacing at the sting in her throat and the scratchiness of her own voice on her ears, “Where, where’s Har-Harold? Is, is Five and, and Klaus back yet?”

Ben’s ghostly hand was oddly solidified as he wiped the blood from her face as Diego started, “Um, look kid, it’s, it’s not good.”

“What do you mean?” Vanya questioned, getting no immediate reply as Ben and Diego exchanged looks, “Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” Before either of the ghosts could give her any semblance of a response, Vanya could hear some commotion going on on the floor above them. Without wasting another second, assuming that whatever it was was likely due to Harold, Vanya brushed past Ben and Diego and speed up the stairs.

She could hear, but was ignoring, Ben and Diego following after her, trying to keep her from discovering whatever it was for herself as she ascended the stairs. Pushing open the basement door with far more force than she’d needed to, the poor door slamming into the wall behind it, the scene in the living room was  _ not _ one she was expecting. Luther and Allison were looking around the basement door, probably looking for whatever had caused it to open as hard as it did while Klaus and Five had looks of near terror on their faces as they looked at her, Ben, and Diego (Five’s far more schooled within seconds than Klaus’s was), but the part that had been shocking to Vanya was that there was a  _ her _ already there, looking over at her with a smirk. 

_ Harold _ .

“What is happening?” Allison asked, sounding rather scared. Which was a bit typical for her.

“Oh nothing, Step-Momster.”  _ Vanya _ cooed, smirking further at the reactions he got from Luther and Allison, “Everything  _ was _ perfectly fine until  _ you _ came back.”

While Luther was trying to do some semblance of parenting to the demon (unknowingly to him and Allison) that was inhabiting his daughter, Five gradually made his way over to Vanya, slow enough not to draw  _ Vanya’s _ attention while he fucked with Allison and Luther. “Vanya,” Five hissed quietly, keeping his eyes on  _ Vanya _ rather than looking at her in case he drew his attention, and when he didn’t he continued, “what’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Vanya told him, “I was hoping you would know.”

“Hey kids, maybe the adults got some idea.” Diego hissed at them, him and Ben moving to opposing sides of Five and Vanya.

While Five was shooting them both annoyed looks, never liking to get help from people who  _ thought _ they knew more than him, Vanya, in a bit of an obviously desperate situation, asked them, “Well? What is it?”

“Well, while Harold had  _ thought _ he’d banished Diego and me out of the house-” Ben started.

“Even though we can’t actually leave.” Diego muttered.

Ben, ignoring Diego’s remark, continued, “well, while we were up in the attic. We-  _ I  _ was reading through the handbook, trying to find anything useful in it that Diego or I could do to help you, Vanya.”

“What did you find?” Five asked, his pride being cast aside in favor of his curiosity.

“We’re not sure if it's exactly the same for demons as it is for ghosts but,” Ben explained, “us ghosts are able to control living people for a short period of time. Make them do and say whatever we want. But, ghosts have far less energy than demons do.”

Vanya hissed at Ben and Diego, “Well, I  _ think _ he’s doing a lot more than controlling me since I’m here and he’s in  _ there _ and, and I don’t know how long he’s been there.”

“We’re getting there kid, if you two would shut up for long enough.” Diego sneered, “There is something demons can do that ghosts can’t. Demons, like Harold, can possess a  _ host _ of their choosing.” Diego ignored the indignant and scared questions coming from Five and Vanya, continuing to explain, “There are two ways that demons can  _ manifest _ in their hosts, be the host allowing them.  _ Or _ by force.”

Five, growing more and more impatient by the second, questioned, “That’s great and all that you two finally did some research about our little problem. But how does that help anyone?”

“Demons are extraordinarily hard to remove from a host by anyone other than the host.” Ben explained, “And, when a  _ temperamental  _ demon takes a host by force, as Harold has, they’re much easier to kick out of the driver’s seat.”

“Okay, how do I do it?” Vanya asked, “It’s not like I could actually beat him at  _ anything _ really.”

Diego gave her a smirk as he told her, “You don’t need to beat him, Vanya, just wait for him to be distracted by someone other than you, and kick him out.”

“That still doesn’t tell me what to do Diego. I thought you were helping me?” Vanya asked.

“We  _ are _ helping you, Vanya.” Ben said, “While Harold is distracted by someone else, Luther, Allison, Klaus, Five, Diego, or me, then you just need to touch Harold. That should be enough for you to be able to get back in and kick him out. He’ll be making himself defenseless while he focuses his attention on all of us. Alright?”

Vanya had barely given him a small nod back before Diego and Ben were already on the other side of the room, drawing  _ Vanya’s _ attention towards them. Vanya was sure that her trepidation was written across her face; and it was confirmed when she felt Five  _ try _ to grab her hand, only for his to go right through it as he told her, “Everything’s going to be okay Vanya. I promise. I won’t let anything else happen to you.” Before he, just like it felt like everyone else in her life that she’d  _ liked _ left her. 

There was a moment that Vanya watched with an odd feeling of detachment. She watched as Luther and Allison didn’t look  _ at _ her, but rather  _ through _ her. Watched as Five and Diego and Ben were keeping Harold distracted with thoughtless insults. Watched as Klaus joined them without questioning it for a second. And as she watched, Vanya could see exactly what Ben had been telling her to look for. 

Her opening.

Harold had spared her a single glance after she’d thrown the basement door open.

And ultimately, it was his carelessness that would lead to his demise.

But Harold’s demise wouldn’t come just yet. But rather a spiteful fifteen year old, with the help of another cynical fifteen year old, two ghosts, and a Klaus, would splinter the overpowering hold he had on them. Well, specifically on Vanya at the moment.

Within half a second of Vanya’s hand was touching her own shoulder (good luck trying to explain  _ that _ in therapy), Vanya felt as if she’d be thrown back into her own body and she could see Harold be tossed out of her and onto the floor in front of her. And, coincidentally, as it had before, upon reentering a different  _ plane _ of existence, Vanya’s nose started bleeding again. And while  _ she _ didn’t really care, she never liked the ugly carpet anyway, Luther and Allison were still playing parents and were ‘concerned’ about her ‘health’ because  _ that _ was really what they should’ve been concerned with.

As Vanya tried to push Luther and Allison away, smudging the blood across her upper lip with the back of her hand, she could hear Harold muttering something to himself. A small pool of blood gathering on the floor below where his head hovered. While Vanya couldn’t move an inch while Luther and Allison were trying to coddle her like a baby, Five  _ was _ able to investigate what the demon was doing; and it seemed upon his realization as to  _ what _ Harold was doing, it was going to be  _ very _ bad.

And  _ it  _ was.

There were two quick flashes of light, one white, one green. In the first flash, the white light, Diego and Ben were suspended in the air, motionless and expressionless. And evidently, based on Allison and Luther’s reactions, they were now visible. But, on the second flash, the green light, they both writhed and screamed in pain.

With Allison and Luther distracted by the two ghosts they hadn’t known about being  _ there _ to them, Vanya was able to push past them and moved next to Five and practically screamed at him, “What are you doing to them?”

“That, you fucking idiotic child, is an exorcism.” Harold growled, “And an exorcism is  _ death _ for the dead.”

“But aren’t you dead? So wouldn’t it hurt you?” Five questioned.

Harold, like an animal, growled at Five before he hissed, “This doesn’t concern  _ you _ Five. Why don’t you go on and run home to your mommy while you’ve still got time?” Then Harold completely ignored anything and everything that Five said, and focused all his attention on Vanya, “Now  _ babes _ you’ve got a choice, both leading to the same result. You can either let  _ them  _ keep living their boring ass ghostly lives and marry me  _ now _ or we can drag this out until they get sent to the Netherworld for the rest of eternity and  _ then _ you’ll marry me.”

“What?!” Luther snapped. Right, he was still here, and  _ hadn’t  _ known about that tentative deal. “You’re not marrying my daughter!”

“We’ll come on daddy dearest,” Harold sneered, his bloodied face and fanged teeth really selling the feral demon image, “Vanya’s gotta grow up one day. She’s gonna be making her own decisions, with or without you. And besides, we’ve already got a  _ deal _ about this.”

Luther’s glare was mostly trained on Harold, rightfully so, but switched over to Vanya on occasion. “What deal? What the hell are you talking about?”

Harold flippantly waved Luther off, summoning a piece of chalk as he walked towards the part of the wall between Diego and Ben’s floating spirits. “We can discuss the details later, right now, I need to be sending these deadly departed down to the Netherworld once and for all.” He took the white chalk he’d summoned and drew a really shitty looking door on the wallpaper; and once his door was complete, as he tossed the chalk onto the ground and before Allison started complaining about him ruining the walls, the chalk’s lines glowed green, creaking open as an actual door.

Ben and Diego floated back down to the floor, released from whatever hold Harold had put on them, only to start being pulled into the new, glowing door. “Wait!” Vanya yelled, mostly at Harold, “I’ll, I’ll marry you. Just, let me say goodbye first.”

“Alright,” Harold sighed, stopping the pull that was dragging Ben and Diego towards  _ presumably  _ the Netherworld, “but make it snappy.”

Vanya quickly ran past Five and Harold and Luther and Allison and Klaus, and hugged Diego and Ben for longer than she’d hugged anyone in a  _ long  _ time. As she hugged Ben, she felt Diego pressing something into her hand.  _ The chalk. _

What she’d done next was likely  _ not  _ what  _ anyone _ had wanted or expected her to do. But it’s not like she had a load of time  _ or _ could discuss it before acting. So, in a display of her best teenage rebellion, rebelling against a demon of all things, Vanya snarked, “Hey Harold. I’m going to the Netherworld.” Before running right through the glowing door and entering the Netherworld.


End file.
